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October 9, 2015

Weekly Reality Awards

by Michael Pascua, posted Apr 18th 2009 10:04AM
Paula and Ryan on the Duel 2As the numbers continue to dwindle on the competitive reality shows, tension is starting to rise and I want a front seat. The one thing I appreciate about network reality programs compared to scripted shows is that there are new episodes every week (I'm looking at you, Grey's Anatomy).

I'm going to make a prediction that next week Coach will say something stupid, Frenchie will say something that needs subtitles, the cast of The Biggest Loser will sweat, and Adam will regret singing "Play That Funky Music" a few weeks too early. This week's awards after the jump.

The Jan Brady AwardMax (The Biggest Loser) – The brown team, Ron and Mike, were given the chance to reveal their new bodies to their family. The family's other son, Max was still huge and couldn't help but cry. I love NBC for casting this family, knowing that three of the four family members were fat and only two of the three could become contestants.

Crossover Award Bravo – Speaking of The Biggest Loser, the contestants got makeovers with the help of Bravo's reality finest: Salon Takeover's Tabitha, Blow Out's other guy Brendan, and the marvelous Tim Gunn. I was then waiting for Hosea from Top Chef to teach them about the benefits of eating fish, Nathan from Top Design to give tips about energizing colors in the house, and Cody from Step It Up and Dance to mention the benefits of dancing.

Best AssumptionTaylor (Tough Love) – Taylor has been reality television gold for weeks. In the first episode, she was afraid of the bidet; this week she assumed that Stasha was a man. The look of shock on her face when she waited for the Stasha reveal was priceless. It turned out that Stasha was in love and wanted to leave, leaving Taylor perplexed.

Mother of the WeekMargie (The Amazing Race) – After suffering from heat stroke, Margie raced like nothing happened. She kicked in her maternal instincts when she assembled a propeller on a boat, her nursing skills led her to carefully deal with a denture detour, and she did it all wearing black on a hot day.

The Domino Award Paula (The Duel 2) – The biggest flaw of The Duel 2 is the schoolyard pick elimination process. Paula decided to go with her gut and not listen to "the list." It shocked everyone and led to her good friend Ryan going home. Now because she poked her head out of the hole, Paula has a huge bullseye on her back.

Worst Outfit London (America's Next Top Model) – When one starts gaining weight, they learn to dress strategically. Things like vertical lines or wearing black can create a slimming illusion. London gained almost 15 pounds since casting and decided to wear a pair of puffy shorts. Her thunder thighs were accentuated by her wide shorts. She ended up looking like a cross between a fat marshmallow and a pear. Needless to say, Tyra sent her home.

The TMI AwardCoach (Survivor) – I'm not sure if I should hate Coach for being a douche, or love him for making interesting television. This week Coach decided to tell everyone a story of how he was kidnapped by an Amazonian tribe. They beat him senseless, but he managed to get away. At tribal council, Coach decided to reveal too much information: the Amazon tribe wanted to "Eat his ass." I'm not sure if they meant rape him or cannibalize him, but now two horrible images of Coach won't leave my head.

Best One-LinersI Love Money 2 – VH1 knows how to deal with crossover-challenge shows, unlike their sibling MTV. They cast people who are willing to scheme and say whatever is on their mind. Viewers are blessed with the wit of Saaphiri, the mumbling styles of It, and the incomprehensible vocals of Angelique. My favorite quote this week came from Angelique. In response to her poor showing at the challenge Angelique exclaims, "I'm much better at moaning" and proceeds to make moaning noises.

Most Unfortunate Plot TwistHospital Trips – Last week, Joe went home on Survivor due to his infected leg. This week had two shows with two eliminations that had nothing to do with the competition. After losing big weight numbers the past few weeks, Laura finally found her groove on The Biggest Loser. This week after checking with the doctor, part of her hip had a small fracture and she was sent home for rehabilitation. Hell's Kitchen brought cardiac trouble for Robert and he had to leave for medical reasons.

News & Notes:

Heidi and Spencer are cast for I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!– Since they aren't celebrities, they should just stay there. Can Costa Rican natives kidnap them and beat them senseless? Coach could give a few tips on escape.

The Emmy for Reality TV judges is on hold - Last year's reality TV host award/hosting was a farce. Until either Phil Keoghan or Kat Deeley win, that award has no credibility. Luckily for us we won't be able to see Simon Cowell, Len Goodman, Mia Michaels, Lil' Mama, and Nigel Barker in the same room. If any judge should get an award, it should be Stylista's Joe Zee for surviving such a horrible show.

Amazing Race renewed for 15th Season – Hopefully, next season we won't have so many penalties from one team, Mark & Mike. They are currently casting so get those applications in.

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