(S03E20) "It's the biggest regret of my life, Lemon. And I once made love to Kathy Hilton." - Jack, about not confronting his dad

Oh, come on. There's no way that Liz Lemon would be that incompetent when it comes to replacing a water bottle. It was like she was a mixture of Steve Urkel and Barney Fife, dropping the bottle, getting herself soaked. I mean, she could have at least known that you take the empty jug off before you attempt to put the new one on. That whole scene was odd. It went on a lot longer and was more slapstick-oriented than most 30 Rock gags.

The other revelation tonight? You think I'm going to say the twist ("twist!") ending where we find out that Jack's dad isn't really his dead (Jack figures it out with the help of Liz and a Some Like It Hot DVD), right? OK, that was pretty good. But no, I'm talking about the revelation that all of the writers on TGS get town cars sent to their homes in the morning to drive them to work! I wasn't surprised that Tracy gets a duck tour boat, but I don't remember town cars for everyone else being mentioned before. Somehow I think Liz would have mentioned that before, coming to work with her cup of coffee. She should have cut those when she was having all of those budget problems earlier this season.

Wasn't thrilled with Jenna's plot this week. Sure, all kinds of monkeys and gibbons and orangutans are undeniably cute, but it was kinda ridiculous (and unfunny, which is the worse sin). I did like Liz's line about the monkey having sex with Jenna's face and then changing the subject quickly, but boy, what a forgettable C plot this was this week. I would have liked to have seen more Elaine Stritch. Still, Liz and Tracy battling and Jack and his mom battling are plots that are always good for some laughs.

Some quotes:

"I took my son to his cello recital this morning at what turned out to be midnight yesterday!" - Tracy

"You treat me like a child! No, worse than that. Like one of those pageant girls with the clip-on teeth." - Tracy

"Don't accept it!" - Pete, to Liz, about Tracy giving her a "race card"

"I don't mind taking her out. There's a restaurant hostess in midtown I'd like to see cry." - Liz, about Jack's mom

"What is this, the Italian parliament. No, thank you?" - Jack, to Liz, who asked if he wanted a hug

"Evidently the concierge at the Plaza has a beard, and she'd rather not get raped." - Jonathan, on why Jack's mom wanted to change hotels

"Oh my God! Like we really have time to have you walk down the stairs that slowly!" - Liz, to Tracy

"Don't patronize me with your Celtic slang, Liz Lemon." - Tracy, about Liz using the word "shenanigans"

"Paul lives in Florida. He paints landscapes and makes his own soda." - Jack's mom

"Oh, I didn't know anyone was here. That wasn't me screaming in the bathroom." - Jenna

"Have you ever been to Florida? It's basically a criminal population. It's America's Australia." - Jack

"You know this food area is always the first place I go to look for you." - Cerie, to Liz

"Everyone has something to hide. For instance, I'm wearing a child's Halloween costume under this." - Len

"She went crazy. She bit off my nutsack, that I kept tied around my belt to feed the squirrels." - Kenneth, about raising pigs

"Our farts, for one thing." - Pete, on what the guys have been holding back from Liz

"Well, I pay you a little less." - Jack, on how he treats Liz differently

"That's the Quantum Leap intro." - Liz, to Jack, who said he said he had "a chance to go back to the past to put things right that once went wrong"

"Simon Cowell." - Liz, after Jack asked who today's Nikita Khrushchev would be

"Now you're standing on the very spot where Grace Allen took Jack Parr's virginity." - Kenneth, leading a tour

"I know. My credit card company called to confirm my purchase of the book "Intercourse After Hip Surgery." - Jack, on how he knows his mom was out shopping

"A guy like Paul, who can drive at night? You just don't say say no to that!" - Jack's mom