Rescue Me: Carrot
(S05E18) "Dude, I swear to God, you'd be a goddamn millionaire if you just cut that thing off and sold it to science." - Franco
This was easily the most polarizing episode thus far in Rescue Me's fifth season. There was a lot to love and, in my opinion, a lot to hate. It was extremely uneven, featuring a pointless dream sequence and played out gags. However, it ended with what will ultimately, I believe, go down as the best scene of the season and easily one of the best in the series to date, which can only mean one thing - Callie Thorne has done it again.
Sheila's final monologue, as Tommy stared on droopy-lipped, sipping coffee, was, in a word, perfect. It encompasses everything that makes Sheila tic and Thorne played it flawlessly, completely blowing away her own benchmark set earlier this season with her excellent 9/11 monologue.
To essentially play out the passion that the two of them share, through just words alone, was a feat in itself, because let's be honest - Tommy and Sheila don't do much else other than screw. But to be fair, it's remiss of me to even use that word, "screw," because the way Sheila described what Tommy would miss out on should he choose Janet instead of her was damn near transcendent.
The feud that's developed between Janet and Sheila has quickly become the focal point of the show and I have to say, if it keeps leading to moments like this, then I hope Tommy never picks.
On the flip side, I was less than thrilled with Janet's plea to Tommy - "because I come with your kids." It's not that I don't find that as a compelling reason to choose Janet, but she's slanting the truth as we learned from Colleen. Katy can't stand her mother, blames her for breaking up the family, and is weirded out by the baby born as a result of the affair with Johnny.
If Tommy wises up, he'd see that Janet's threats are simply coming from her fear of losing Katy and that she'd truly never be able to keep Katy away from Tommy, nor would she be able to make him hate her. With the truth of her motives out in the open, it sort of makes me dislike Janet and I don't think I've felt that away about her as a character before.
OK, so what didn't I like? Let's start a list...
- The opening dream sequence was arguably one of the worst dream sequences to date on Rescue Me. To sum it up: tell me something I don't know. It was essentially a long refresher on Tommy's worries - the women in his life, the damage he may or may not be doing to family members, and his guilt over not being there for Jimmy on 9/11. It kept going and going and I kept waiting for the surprise and it never came.
- The extremely long scene with Sean's orange penis went downhill fast for me. Usually, I'm all about the gags on this show and despite the fact the whole scene felt like the Lost Rescue Me Minisode, I still had high hopes for where it might go. Needless to say, I was disappointed when the payoff turned out to be Sean's masturbatory faux pas by reaching for the tanning lotion instead of the hand cream. Is it wrong that I wanted it to be related to his cancer? That would have been a sad, but good, twist.
- Maura Tierney's character (we haven't gotten her name yet) is completely weird, and right now the weird is unfortunately outweighing the mystery surrounding her. I mean, c'mon, she was actually willing to take out anyone from the firehouse?
That's all I got, but one final point - both Sheila and Janet each made one really good argument for picking them. Sheila said that Janet would find someone else but Janet made the point that her and Tommy took the vows, for better or for worse. Who do you agree with more?