Warehouse 13: Breakdown
by Jason Hughes, posted Sep 9th 2009 1:02AM
If you think about it, the Warehouse has to be one of the most unpredictable and dangerous places on the planet. We've seen what can happen when one artifact gets out of control, or when two work in tandem. There are possibly millions of artifacts housed in there, and most of them are just lying on a shelf. What if, say, a zip line were to break and come collapsing across the tops of hundreds of those shelves, scattering artifacts about?
That would be bad.
That is what happened while Artie was away having an "adventure" of his own. Pete and Myka popped in to the Warehouse to see how Claudia was doing, only to find all hell slowly breaking loose. In Claudia's defense, it wasn't entirely her fault this time.
The biggest problem was that, in the original zip line collapse, a cannister of "Sticky String" rolled into the gears of the Neutralizer Processing Center, or "Gooery," and broke it. No goo circulating and artifacts start getting all hinky and wanting to do their special little gifts. Which apparently leads to a massive storm cloud in the Warehouse and ultimate destruction.
We got to see a bit of the Dark Vault, where the dangerous artifacts are, many of which are sensory activated per the warning. So, of course, Pete failed to adhere and got ensnared by Sylvia Plath's life-sucking typewriter, after being creeped out by Chucky's ancestor. Every time we pan around the Warehouse, I find myself wanting to know the properties of all the various items we see. We didn't get a new artifact quest, but there's enough already in the Warehouse that I didn't even care.
As for Artie, a brilliant introduction for the Regents, who oversee everything that goes on at the Warehouse. Clear out the "regular" customers at a homey little restaurant and let the meeting begin. Most of the patrons and even the waitress were part of it, except for Artie. And we learned that Mrs. Frederic is, in fact, Irene Frederic.
Unfortunately, the meeting was about Artie's competence to continue running events at the Warehouse from the ground. Mark Sheppard (Battlestar Galactica) was the leader of this pack, and he reamed Artie for his unorthodox methods. If only he'd known the chaos that was unfolding back at the Warehouse.
But Artie stood up for himself, called everybody a bunch of cowards, kept his job and went home. The foursome that makes up the heart of this show is growing tighter, and I think they're going to need that as we close in on the season finale, and the inevitable confrontation with MacPherson.
Artifacts on the Loose
- Baylor Dodgeball (Multiplies Upon Contact), neutralized by being caught
- Sticky String (Do not use indoors) gets into the Neutralizer Processing Center, gumming up the works.
- Easter Island Conch (Breathe Underwater)
- Clark Gable Grooming Kit (Grow Fingernails Really Fast)
- Dog Whistle (Summon Locusts)
- Lena's Bed and Breakfast painting (keeps people from leaving the room painted therein), neutralized by cutting a hole in the painting
- Sylvia Plath's Typewriter (Object drains nearby persons of energy and will to live within a limited proximity)
- Snow Globe (shakes cold snow out the bottom)