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October 10, 2015

The mesmerizing horror of the Real Housewives' "Tardy for the Party"

by Nick Zaino, posted Sep 18th 2009 12:00PM
Kim Real Housewives of AtlantaLet me preface this post with a little background. I have not followed any of the Housewives shows. I have only seen the highlights and commercials during Kathy Griffin's D-List and comedy specials. So what I know of the show is that someone in New Jersey turned a table over at one point, and that the producers felt the need for a reunion show, even though I thought part of the point of the show was following people who already lived near each other. How long could they have been apart?

Keep that in mind when I tell you that I caught about ten minutes of last night's episode, ten minutes that left an impression. I had just gotten home from a show watching a local Boston musician who is a great singer and songwriter. I enjoy his work greatly. He's working on an album that he will be releasing himself. Hopefully, he'll get some exposure for it.

When I got home, it was time to watch The Office and SNL on DVR, but my wife and I turned on the TV while we were getting ourselves together and putting out the trash, when from the other room, I heard someone "singing" the words "don't be tardy for my party."

It was one of the so-called Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kim, and it was mesmerizingly awful. It literally stopped me in my tracks. And the woman singing it, Kim, seemed to sense it wasn't quite right. One of her compatriots mentioned Kim didn't have much confidence in her performance. At the risk of piling on, I would have to say there was good reason for her lack of confidence.

It was everything you would expect from a reality show figure singing - tuneless, no rhythm, something that will have to be pitch-corrected and still buried under that Cher robot vocoder thing. I watched my DVR shows, and then when it shut off, the repeat of Real Housewives was in the same place. Same song.

I'm getting ready to come upstairs to my office for a bit of late night writing, and again, I am stopped, watching this singing happen. "Don't be tardy for my party/Don't be tardy for my party/Don't be tardy for my party." Over and over. Apparently, the best stuff happens early at the Atlanta parties.

A couple of things came to mind, amid the slack-faced wonder with which I addressed the TV. First, I thought, "I don't feel tardy," (for those who didn't grow up in the 80s, that was a line from Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" video). Then I thought of the guy I saw play earlier that night, and what would happen if he had that exposure. It's unfair, I know, because he lives in Medford and Bravo is probably not going to do a reality show on "The Real Bachelor Musicians of Medford, Ma." But if they did, I'd buy the soundtrack.

Here's the heavily treated result. Listen for yourself.

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And this is why the music at strip clubs is so loud, so the strippers don't sing.

September 19 2009 at 1:34 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Madeleine Desmond

I agree! Kim (and Nene) are exploiting this too much and this song is... not great. But come on, from the moment I heard the guitar teacher pitch it to Kim I knew this was to horrible not to be HUGE.


September 18 2009 at 1:13 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

The song is a hot mess...just like the show. No one should be surprised.

Granted, I DVR that mess every week...but my expectations are extremely low.

September 18 2009 at 1:00 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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