Why Tracy Morgan doesn't have a second career as a life coach is beyond me. The guy is a true genius. As Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock, he teaches me important things like the stages of grief: "fear, denial, horniness, wisdom, sleepiness and now depression," and how I should live every week like it's shark week.

So while Morgan still hasn't published that book of daily affirmations I've been hoping for, he is publishing a memoir, titled, I Am the New Black, which will probably be nearly as amazing. What's also really exciting about this memoir is that it's going to mean publicity-- and we get to reap the benefits.

Morgan has already started a Twitter account, and now he's come out with some greeting cards to illustrate his awesomeness. You can see them all in the gallery below, but my favorite may be this one, in which he helps you tell that special lady in your life that you love her:

"I might even move in with you. Put my sneakers by the door. I wear size 9 but Imma buy size 12. Case you bring another guy in here he see them big sneakers he might think twice."

I can only hope more shirtless talk show appearances are also in our future. You can find all of the ecards on the Random House website.