Baldwin and Sheen: Inglorious Bastards

'Working Girl', one of my favourite '80s movies, was on TV the other day, and I sat down to watch Melanie Griffith battle her way to the top of the Manhattan corporate ladder for the umpteenth time. I was mildly and pleasantly surprised when Alec Baldwin turned up on screen - but not just Alec Baldwin - young, gorgeous, whole-future-ahead-of-him Alec Baldwin. Dear Lord, that man attractive when he was younger. I was too young to think about it at the time - I was 11 when 'Working Girl' came out. I only had eyes for My Little Ponys. So I end up drooling over what a man used to look like knowing full well he has aged into something else entirely (see also William Petersen.)
'Working Girl', one of my favourite '80s movies, was on TV the other day, and I sat down to watch Melanie Griffith battle her way to the top of the Manhattan corporate ladder for the umpteenth time. I was mildly and pleasantly surprised when Alec Baldwin turned up on screen - but not just Alec Baldwin - young, gorgeous, whole-future-ahead-of-him Alec Baldwin. Dear Lord, that man attractive when he was younger. I was too young to think about it at the time - I was 11 when 'Working Girl' came out. I only had eyes for My Little Ponys. So I end up drooling over what a man used to look like knowing full well he has aged into something else entirely (see also William Petersen.)

But watching young Alec from the perspective of the future, knowing what he would become, got me thinking about all the things we know about the actors we watch on TV, and how that knowledge is always with us, even when the actor is doing his or her job - that is, being someone other than themselves.

When it comes to Alec Baldwin, can anyone who has heard it ever forget the voicemail message he left for his daughter Ireland in 2007? I understand that the context of the message is complicated - a long and bitter custody battle between him and ex-wife Kim Basinger left him angry and frustrated and when his daughter didn't pick up for a scheduled phone call, he lost his temper. He threatened his daughter, swore at her and was generally a ginormous ass. She was 12 years old at the time - or maybe 11 - he couldn't remember.

Since then Baldwin has written a book about parental alienation and his experiences in family court. From the reviews, it seems to be a measured and sympathetic account. But still - I can't un-hear the tone he took in that message. And even while I watch him play the role of a lifetime on '30 Rock', I can't un-know what he said to his kid. I love his performance, but it is bittersweet.

What's interesting is that for me, that voicemail is now attached to young Alec, to 'Working Girl' and 'Beetlejuice' and 'Married to the Mob'. Something he did in 2007 is now part of his performance in a 1988 movie. It colours the way I watch him. In one scene in 'Working Girl', he tries to convince Melanie to marry him even though she's caught him cheating. He alternately cajoles, bullies and threatens her. It was eerily familiar.

But maybe all I need is time to forget. After all, 2007 isn't so long ago, in the life-span of celebrity scandals. Look at Mel Gibson, who managed to have his 2006 Malibu DUI expunged last week. You know, the one where he resisted arrest, threatened officers and made anti-semitic remarks. But even better, look at Charlie Sheen.

It's hard to avoid seeing 'Two and a Half Men' now that it's heavily syndicated, but I do my best. I really don't understand who the show is targeted at - on the surface it's a family sitcom, but the endless repetitious sexual jokes make it completely inappropriate for even school-aged kids, but that's besides the point. What's amazing to me is that Sheen, despite the constant upheavals and scandals in his life, has managed to find a permanent home on television.

But then, if I really think about it, Sheen hasn't been in any real trouble for years. Sure he got booted from his high school, nearly overdosed on injected cocaine, and shot Kelly Preston in the arm, but that was all years ago. The only thing he's done lately is have a very messy divorce and custody battle with Denise Richards. (OK, maybe marrying Denise Richards should be added to his list of sins, but it looks like he's paid for that one.)

But when I watch Charlie Sheen, I feel icky. I feel like I'm watching a bad person. And when he very occasionally gets a laugh out of me, I want to cover my mouth or pretend I was coughing. The only thing worse than watching Charlie Sheen is enjoying watching Charlie Sheen. There is something specific about the role he plays on 'Men' that gets my goat. I think we all know he's playing a version of himself (and is in fact named Charlie, just like he was on 'Spin City') but this version is being constantly congratulated and rewarded for all the bad choices. I seem to be one of the few people who has a problem with this. While it's not a critically-lauded show, the few kudos it gets are generally reserved for Sheen's willingness to send himself up.

And don't even get me started on the ShamWow pitchman. Do I want a Slap Chop? Of course I do. Who wouldn't? But every time I used it I would picture that guy's mug shot. And that's not an ingredient I want in my food.

Whose tabloid history makes it hard for you to watch them? Tell me about it in the comments!