(S07E04) If you didn't know it before, Alan Harper is an idiot. Tonight's episode epitomized just how far Alan will go to get some action and how clueless he is when it comes to the consequences of those actions. Of course, that's the joke. He's a schleimel and prone to falling on his ass and breaking his nose, metaphorically.

So while Alan was looking for somewhere to have hot, erectile-medication induced sex with Melissa because she won't go back to the beach house -- not since Chelsea and her had it out -- Charlie was playing referee to Chelsea and Jake. Alan tried sex with the tiny blonde in the car, noting that, "You were sort of built for it." She walked out on Alan, right out of the car.

The running gag was set up for Alan to be running around outside in his underwear. Jon Cryer is looking very doughy of late, but I guess anything for a laugh.

Jake is all greasy hair and b.o. Hey, I didn't say that. His father did. Jake's at that wonderful age when he's completely impossible to deal with. Charlie's threats have little effect. Even unplugging his amp doesn't make an impression on Jake. Charlie should have offered him a few bucks. Jake understands money.

When Chelsea and Jake finally have a meeting to clear the air, prompted by Charlie. Chelsea tabs Charlie as the reason Jake's been so hostile to her. Jake, naturally, agrees because, after all, it can't be his fault. Incredulous though he is, Charlie realized that it was wiser to take the blame then fight them both. Um ... where are Charlie's testicles these days?

Funny Stuff

-- Chelsea: "There has to be something beneath that sullen exterior."
Charlie: "Yes, a D student with a perpetual boner."

-- Charlie to Alan re having a relationship: "If you can't afford dog food, don't get a dog."

-- Evelyn to Alan when he asked to use the bathroom at the rental home: "Alan, I'm trying to sell a house here. Warm cookies smell, good. Hot poop smell, bad."