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October 24, 2014

Looking for Love on the Tube

by Stephanie Earp, posted Nov 10th 2009 10:35AM
I think I've lost my ability to fall in love.

It used to be easy for me. I only needed a brief hour to know I was hooked, and I could love so many at once. These days, I find myself forcing a laugh at some equally forced joke, or predicting the end of some tragic story minutes before it unfolds. I say to myself "This isn't so bad," but when my TV friends ask "So, are you gonna see each other again next week?" I answer "Meh...I dunno. I think I have to do laundry that night."

Never mind that it's perfectly feasible to do laundry and watch TV. And I do - but I surf the channels relentlessly, still looking for The One. You know, the show that inspires me to choreograph a dance to the intro music. The show that, when it gets bumped for a sporting event or presidential speech, causes me to complain on Twitter. The show that makes me pause before accepting invitations on the evening it airs.I think I've lost my ability to fall in love.

It used to be easy for me. I only needed a brief hour to know I was hooked, and I could love so many at once. These days, I find myself forcing a laugh at some equally forced joke, or predicting the end of some tragic story minutes before it unfolds. I say to myself "This isn't so bad," but when my friends ask "So, are you gonna see each other again next week?" I answer "Meh... I dunno. I think I have to do laundry that night."

Never mind that it's perfectly feasible to do laundry and watch TV. And I do - but I surf the channels relentlessly, still looking for The One. You know, the show that inspires me to choreograph a dance to the intro music. The show that, when it gets bumped for a sporting event or presidential speech, causes me to complain on Twitter. The show that makes me pause before accepting invitations on the evening it airs.

I haven't felt that way since 'Alias'. (The dance involves holding your fists at chest level, squeezing your arms to your sides and grooving with your shoulders. You kind of have to be trained by the creator - me.) And I promise, I have tried. I've spent some time with all the best shows.

'True Blood' - Dates: 6

This is the guy all your friends think is sexy, but the more you get to know him, the more it seems like a pose. All those leather jackets seem awfully new, and he doesn't look all that comfortable on that motorcycle. He claims to be a free thinker, open to new ideas about love, life and vampires, but he always winds up dragging you to the same cliche leather bar where all the other vampires hang out.

'Glee' - Dates: 7

This guy plays in a local band and really, they're not bad for a cover band. It's just not your kind of music, but boy - all the girls who come to the shows seem to think they're awesome. And while you admire his dedication to his dubious art, when he's in show mode, you can't count on him to do anything - keep track of day and night, remember what happened last week, or even finish a sentence.

'Lost' - Dates: 22+

At first, this guy really wows you. He's different, original, a big thinker. He recommends great books, he tells you incredible little-known facts about the world, and he has obscene amounts of money. He's a delightful mystery, and you listen carefully to everything he says, trying to pick up the clues to who he really is. So carefully that when he starts to contradict himself, you pick up on it right away. You ask him about these glaring holes in his stories and he looks down his nose at you and says "I'm not the kind of guy you pause and rewind. Just go with it," and then he picks up his Intro to Philosophy textbook and refuses to talk to you for eight months.

'30 Rock' - Dates: 40+

This guy is great for a few weeks at a stretch, but then he gets kind of boring. You don't see him for a while, and the truth is you don't miss him. But then you run into each other some Thursday night, and he makes you laugh a little bit, so you think, "Hey this guy's not so bad. We had some good times." You start seeing him again, and sure enough a few weeks later, you're bored. This goes on for years.

'The Office' - Dates: 80+

Ah, the office romance - this is the guy you couldn't wait to see in casual clothes. You left your snobbery at your cubicle (you used to prefer British pubs) and went to a franchise bar after work just to hang out with him. For awhile, things were great. You talked about your futures, and how one day you'd get out of those go-nowhere jobs. But time ticked on, and guess what? He may be ambitious, but he doesn't really know how to do anything else.

So, what's a girl to do? I want to find my TV soulmate, and I feel like I've tried everything. I've been set up by friends and cruised the internet, but I can't seem to find the right show for me. I think I'm going to have to resort to blind dates. I do have a type - I like something with a sense of fun, a nice wardrobe, and smarts. I'm not picky on genre - comedy, procedural, drama, reality - it's all one to me. Leave me a set-up in the comments.

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