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TV Squad Ten: Cartoon women who should have Playboy centerfolds

by Danny Gallagher, posted Nov 10th 2009 11:05AM
Marge Simpson in PlayboyMarge Simpson's spread in Playboy was a groundbreaking moment for cartoon women everywhere. Her sensual skin pics paved new ground for the "feminine-animated."

She told the world that the women of animation aren't just vehicles for humor or straight characters to set up punchlines for the males on the paper. She helped us realize they have thoughts, feelings, emotions and yes, even urges that make them unique, infinitely interesting and utterly fascinating. They are, as Dr. Frasier Crane so eloquently put it, "like a fine wine: always intoxicated, ever surprising and only getting better with age."

And so, for the cause of gender equality and female empowerment, here are the ten cartoon chicks who should pose naked because it would be righteously awesome.

Smurfette10. Smurfette
She may be no bigger than your thumb, but she's possesses more class and beauty than you ever will in your tiniest finger. She's so beautiful that she turns the trait of flawless blue skin from a symptom of an acute upper airway obstruction into a sensual trademark.

9. Princess Lana
Any fan of commercials posing as full-length scripted shows will easily remember this Dame of the D-Pad from Captain N: The Game Master. She has great poise, grace and beauty, her royalty would bring the first "royal" spread in an issue of Playboy, and it's a hell of a lot better than a "Mother Brain" pictorial (shiver).

8. April O'Neil
Every child of the 90s will remember this striking redhead who spent all of her free time cruising the sewers with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. She's one of the few cartoon babes with equal amounts of beauty and brains because it takes both for a big time career in TV news and serves as a shining example of feminine charm and intellectual ingenuity. She also has huge hooters.

Cheetara!7. Cheetara
Maybe it's just me but I personally never understood why the Thundercats were such a huge staple of 80s' kids' TV diet. When I saw Cheetara, everything made sense. She's far from the token female hero. For the girls, she can stand her own ground and run with the big dogs, er, cats any day of the week. And it just so happens that she runs around in the skimpiest crime fighting outfit since the cleaners shrunk Spider Man's last good Spidey-suit.

6. Turanga Leela
I've never understood why this beauty of the sewer mutants from Futurama had such a hard time getting dates or spent so much time hung up one boyfriend that clearly never appreciated her for who she was. She's got a striking beauty that most un-deformed human women would gut a puppy like a fish to have and loads of smarts, which next to the rest of her crew practically makes her Madam Curie.

Daphne from Scooby-Doo5. Daphne Blake
Who knows exactly what brought this mystery solving odd-squad together in the first place? Clearly, Daphne is the reason they stuck together, or at least the male members of the group. She might look like your typical "got-by-on-her-looks" girl who coasts through life on a wink and a smile, but she's got the smarts to back up her smirks, and she helps bring some of history's biggest meddlers to justice. She is one tasty Scooby snack.

Erin Esurance
4. Erin Esurance

Sure she may use her powers for the good of car insurance, a concept that most might consider part of the evil empire. But she's far from bad looking and if she can understand the clusterf#*$ of fine print and loopholes that is the average insurance policy, she's got to have some brains to back it up.





Striperella3. Stripperella
This one's a no brainer, which is also how some might describe the intellect of this professional pole rider. But she has to look pretty good if she dedicates both her work and free time defending the rights and liberties of stripper-dom. She also has to be somewhat smart if she's fighting "super" villains like the dime-store robber Cheapo and the diminutive shrinker Small Fry. Oh hell, who am I kidding? I just want to see her naked, okay? Is that such a #*$&ing crime?


2. Betty Rubble

She's one of the all time classic beauties, not just in animated entertainment, but in entertainment as a whole -- so much so that she's managed to snag the spotlight and the eye away from her show's female lead, Wilma. If anything, an in-depth interview would reveal just why she chose the dumpy stump Barney over every man in the prehistoric universe. An interview would also help millions of husbands prove to their wives that they actually do read Playboy for the articles.


Nurse!1. The Animaniacs' Nurse
Yakko and Wakko might be one malnourished preppy dweeb short of a boy band, but they have damn fine taste in women. She's stunningly beautiful and she's a nurse dedicating her time to improving the quality of life by healing the sick and curing the wounded, even if she spends most of her time picking up purposely dropped tongue depressors by male patients.

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Kelly J. Compeau

How could Jem, from Jem and the Holograms not be on your list? She's truly, truly, truly outrageous!

November 10 2009 at 10:12 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Xolus

The Baroness from GI Joe. 'Nuff said.

November 10 2009 at 8:45 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
max

Morticia Adams. She was in Playboy for years totally covered. Only Gomez knew the truth.

November 10 2009 at 7:42 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Teresa

Dr. Girlfriend!

November 10 2009 at 7:13 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
adm

Kim Possible, anyone?

November 10 2009 at 5:12 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
stg

anyone remember Mrs Cartman from 2000 issue ?

November 10 2009 at 5:07 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Shay Guy

I see that the list is restricted to American cartoons. If it weren't, Japan would easily dominate it.

November 10 2009 at 4:37 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Gordon Werner

Smurfs are three apples tall ...

November 10 2009 at 1:02 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Sarah

Exactly, where was Jessica Rabbit? And Daphne from Scooby Doo should have been way higher on the list.

November 10 2009 at 12:59 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
divineparasite

Jessica Rabbit should have gotten the first animated spread in "Playboy", period. She was born, er drawn for the pages of it.

November 10 2009 at 12:40 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to divineparasite's comment
Joel Keller

Jessica Rabbit was a movie character. This list is specific to TV characters.

November 10 2009 at 1:23 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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