Holiday Shopping for TV Geeks

With Black Friday behind us and December only a few hours away, I think it's fair for me to bring up the topic of holiday shopping. It's sort of like breaking trump in a card game - once US Thanksgiving is over, it's every shopper for themselves.

I have a good reason for wanting to broach the topic early - shipping. If you are going to attempt to buy something really fantastic for a television fan, the chances of you finding it locally are slim to none. You'll have to order it online, and wait for the package to turn up in the mail. It's funny, isn't it? We can punch a series of numbers into our magical machines which convert the numbers into even more numbers and have little conversations with other machines, and the outcome is much the same as it was in the 19th century - something gets put in the mail.

With Black Friday behind us and December only a few hours away, I think it's fair for me to bring up the topic of holiday shopping. It's sort of like breaking trump in a card game - once US Thanksgiving is over, it's every shopper for themselves.

I have a good reason for wanting to broach the topic early - shipping. If you are going to attempt to buy something really fantastic for a television fan, the chances of you finding it locally are slim to none. You'll have to order it online, and wait for the package to turn up in the mail. It's funny, isn't it? We can punch a series of numbers into our magical machines which convert the numbers into even more numbers and have little conversations with other machines, and the outcome is much the same as it was in the 19th century - something gets put in the mail.

If your target seems likely to leave toys in the original packaging, go the official merchandise route. The major US nets all have online stores, and there are gems to be found even in this tame landscape. My favorites at nbc.com are the official Tim Riggins Panthers jersey, which is wisely offered in the extra-small through medium sizes of Riggins' biggest fans - the ladies. There's tons of 'The Office' swag too, from calendars, trivia games and bobbleheads to more esoteric items like an actual Dundie Award and motivational Schrute Bucks.

A word on buying 'Office' stuff for your office mates before we go. Just because the only thing you guys talk about at work is 'The Office' does not mean your colleague is a crazy fan. There is a tendency, when forced to buy for someone we don't know very well, to latch onto to any interest we have heard expressed. This is how my sister came to own a 'The Simpsons' Clue game. If you're not sure your effort to procure a Shrute Beet Farms tree ornament will be appreciated, opt for a coffee shop gift card.

Over at the ABC store, I like the official 'Lost' Dharma Jumpsuit "sized to be worn over clothes." Not only is it comfortable and practical, as a gift it solves both Christmas and Halloween. In general, if you want to buy something with the Dharma Initiative logo on it - glassware, hats, tees, mugs, poker chips, jewelry, or Mag-Lites - the ABC store has you covered, although you can look further afield, as we shall see.

CBC has a great little online shop too, with plenty of great documentaries, albums, books and sports gear. But my favourite items are the retro collection, featuring the iconic CBC logo in all it's cheesy glory. If your target lives downtown, listens to Canadian indie music, or has an ironic mustache or mullet, you can't go wrong with this CBC tote.

I'm leaving CBS out of this because none of their shows have a real cult status except 'How I Met Your Mother', and you can find way better 'HIMYM' gear elsewhere, trust me.

Now we get into the juicy stuff - unauthorized show swag. The uncontested king of the unauthorized tee is glarkware.com - which used to be loosely partnered up with Television Without Pity, and a number of their shirt designs came from the inside jokes made by recappers. In fact, unless you follow a show closely, it can be hard to tell which T-shirt goes with what show. That's the idea - Glarkware shirts manage to reference the show without infringing on any copyrights and the result is deliciously insider casual wear. I own the Toaster shirt, the Neptune Pirates shirt and aspire to own the Legends of the Eastside Shirt.

Another gift I keep hoping I'll get is the infamous 'Spoilt' design at Threadless.com. Although extremely light on TV references, the whole idea of spoiling seems like a television phenomenon, or at least it is more hotly debated on a weekly basis in television circles. If your target has been known to surf the web for tidbits on upcoming story arcs, this tee will loudly announce the danger as they approach. Also, it's on sale right now.

If even all this seems too tame for your target, your next step is etsy.com - an online handmade shopping mall, where geeks can give free reign to their love in craft form. Why get an official 'SNL' shirt when you can reward an Andy Samberg fan with a handmade button?

Also found on Etsy? A super-insidery 'Roseanne' T-shirt - the chicken shirt that was a continuous easter egg, popping up on Roseanne, Jackie and Darlene and various side characters throughout the show.

On Etsy, you never know what you'll find - from a typographic tribute to 'Buffy', Dr. Who baking supplies, a
hand-knit Eye of Jupiter purse in honour of 'Battlestar Galactica' and a portrait of Liz Lemon and her comrades at '30 Rock'. The key is to search often - new items are added by the minute.

Oh and PS: Happy Festivus, everyone.