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The Twelve Days of Festivus: Twelve shows a'stinkin'!

by Brad Trechak, posted Dec 12th 2009 10:00AM
HeroesOn the twelfth day of Festivus, TV gave to me ... twelve shows a'stinkin'!

Being the endless wasteland that it is, television has no shortage of bad product. Mind you, "bad" is always a matter of opinion. This year saw the end of According to Jim after eight years of decent ratings while in terms of quality it lasted about seven years too long. What follows is my own opinion and at the end of each item in the list, I will quote everybody's favorite critic, Jay Sherman.

12. Heroes – This show was great in the first season, then with only brief glimpses of greatness in the later seasons, the writers and the network proceeded to dump it in the trash, rub it around some sewage and finally make it have a one night stand with Andy Dick. IT STINKS!


11. Jon & Kate Plus 8 – Why was this show even on the air? Does America really care that much about fake people who happened to procreate too much for their own good? Thankfully nobody gave a similar show to the Octomom. IT STINKS!

10. The Real Housewives of Atlanta/NY/NJ/Orange County/Anywhere – I don't understand how their husbands can live with them. After watching for ten minutes, I certainly couldn't. IT STINKS

9. Keeping Up With The Kardashians – When I first heard of this program I thought it was a new Star Trek spin-off. Then I watched it once and realized it was a variation of The Simple Life without the sophistication and irony. IT STINKS!

8.
Leave It To The Lamas – See my critique of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Following the formula of a bad reality television show is like getting a new DVD only to learn that it was filmed on a camcorder in a movie theater. IT STINKS!

7.
Accidentally On Purpose – Something this bad could not be an accident. IT STINKS!

6. Til Death – We're still waiting and nobody has died yet. Ordinarily I enjoy the work of Brad Garrett, but this show, despite its longevity, remains a stain on his acting resumé. IT STINKS!

5. Sit Down, Shut Up– Thankfully, they did shut up and nobody cared if they sat down. This show is gone from the airwaves and it's a good thing too. The memory of watching the pilot episode almost permanently tarnished my opinion of Mitch Hurwitz's other shows, most notably Arrested Development. IT STINKS!

4. Raising the Bar – If the bar were raised any lower, not even Limbo Champion Hermes Conrad from Futurama would be able to get under it. IT STINKS!

3. Dr. Phil/The Jerry Springer Show – There is a special level of Hell reserved for those that put on programs like these that claim to help people but only exploit them for ratings. IT STINKS!

2. Hank – When the program's lead doesn't like the show, you know it's in trouble. I can't believe that Kelsey Grammer needed the money that badly. IT STINKS!

1. Jersey Shore – I'm a Jersey boy and seeing this show makes me want to divorce the state. IT STINKS!

I'm sure that there is a lot of bad TV I left out of the list (it's tough to include everything when there are so many potentials). Which shows have I missed? Let me know in the comments.

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13 Comments

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mettlemod

I'll admit that at first Accidentally on Purpose sucked and was not remotely funny, but it's getting better and funnier! I actually had quite a few laugh out loud moments with last night's episode.

December 14 2009 at 9:17 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Gina

I agree with everything you said on your list except Raising the Bar. I enjoyed the show and thought it would get even better with more seasons. As far as Jersey Shore never watched don't plan on watching but as a fellow Jerseyian we take these people with a sense of humor about ourselves. Oh and by the way I am Italian from North Jersey to boot. Just laugh at the idiots and realize that these idiots keep the idiots from the other states from moving here.

December 14 2009 at 2:13 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Chandra D

I dont agree with the jersey Shore one. This is how the people are that visit Seaside Heights. This is the kind of mentality that residents of Seaside deal with every summer. I'll agree with the rest of your picks and add one more- The girls next door.

December 14 2009 at 1:09 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
C C

All My Children. It is horrifyingly, criminally bad right now. It's mindboggling that it was actually ABC's top rated soap last week.

December 13 2009 at 4:25 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Dottie

I agree...Jersey Shore is absolutely awful. But it is also like a car wreck. You KNOW you shouldn't look, but you can't help yourself!! I am amazed at just how awful the show is, how bad the acting is, how FUGLY the Guidos and Guidettes are.....and they all are a bunch of drunken wh**es. I can see why Italians are offended....but these dopes could be ANY ethnicity, and the show would still SUCK!!!!! But I can't help myself!!!! I think I need therapy!!!

December 13 2009 at 7:17 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
YouFaceTheTick

Wow, i've only seen one of the shows on the list. Thank heavens for netflix and tivo. No more sitting through bad TV.

December 13 2009 at 2:59 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
John Black

I agree with all of your picks but the inclusion of Raising the bar and Jersey shore is a grave mistake.

Raising the bar was arguable the best new show. It had great characters and great stories.

Jersey shore is one of the best shows on right know. I'm not joking. I really think it's one of the best shows on TV right now. I mean the situations these guys put themselves in and the things that get out of their mouths. You got multiple sites and blogs full of jersey shore quotes. You couldn't even write something that good. I dare anybody to watch 15 minutes of this show without laughing. You can't ! It's pure comedy.

December 12 2009 at 7:35 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Ashley Boyd

Sit Down Shut Up got a lot better actually.

But then it was higly self-referential and intertextual which is why I loved it. Guess its not for everyone.

(and I'd still pay to see "Apocalypse Now That's What I Call A High School Musical" if it had the HSM cast in it)

December 12 2009 at 1:29 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
wh

Come on, Heroes?
I can think of plenty of shows worse than that.
Just to name a few:
The Office
Trauma
Mercy
The Middle
ANY "Reality" TV.

December 12 2009 at 12:31 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to wh's comment
tracey21

You actually think The Office and The Middle are worse than Heroes? I can also think of plenty of reality shows that are better than that crapfest as well.

December 12 2009 at 1:20 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Galley

You know that one person who regularly watches and still enjoys 'Til Death (despite the departure of the Woodcocks and the whole Kenny fiasco)? That's me.

December 12 2009 at 12:24 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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