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April 23, 2014

The Twelve Days of Festivus: Three reality disasters

by Michael Pascua, posted Dec 21st 2009 11:00AM
Families from There Goes the NeighborhoodOn the third day of Festivus, TV gave to me ... three reality disasters!

For every good reality show that emerges, there are several horrid shows green-lit, giving reality television its negative light. I could have gone for days talking about tons of reality shows that were disastrous. Jon and Kate Gosselin became national disasters, but even their show had some merit watching a now single Kate deal with her family.

Here are three of the worst offenders of 2009, from least to most disastrous. Oh, and if you're wondering why a certain VH1 show that had Ryan Jenkins as a contestant isn't on the list, don't worry; we'll get to that later this week.

1. There Goes The Neighborhood (CBS)- After the failure of The Amazing Race: Family Edition, I don't understand why networks would continue to attempt family based reality shows especially CBS. It took several seasons to get The Amazing Race back to it's pre-Family Edition ratings.

On paper, There Goes the Neighborhood was a sub-par version of Big Brother. The biggest flaw was watching how a little bit of money would destroy a neighborhood. Having minors on the show getting voted off came off negatively, strategic families sacrificing the five-year-old. Did he even understand what was happening? Let's just have a breast-feeding mother on the show and vote off the ten-month-old, at least they won't be as scarred for life.

The show also had no real audience, you can't watch this show with younger members of the family after families form alliances, occasionally curse, and get generally angry. The show ran during Big Brother 11, which had a similar concept and at least benefited from silly phrases by Jordan and Chima's outbursts.

There Goes The Neighborhood is only inches above NBC's Great American Road Trip, but at least Road Trip had interesting locals and the eliminations were based off of effort and not alliances. And it wasn't hosted by American Idol alum Matt Rogers.

Spencer and Heidi don't look so happy to be there.2. I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! (NBC) - There is an injustice in the world when people confuse reality TV show contestants with celebrities. Of the thirteen contestants, nine were on a reality show before (Torrie Wilson was on Project Runway for an episode). To make it worse, why would you sign on to a reality show, knowing the premise was similar to Survivor, and then quit because it was hard? Four contestants quit, but I was most annoyed by Stephen Baldwin because he "missed his family." Maybe he should stop doing reality shows and focus on his family.

The biggest disaster of the whole show was that I had to suffer the antics of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. I've disliked both Heidi and Spencer on The Hills, but I gave the two the benefit of the doubt that the scripted nature of The Hills edited them to an extreme. NBC emphasized their childish behavior on I'm A Celebrity. Watching Heidi cry because the logo of her shameless promotional hair conditioner spray had to be covered up was downright deplorable.

The one justifiable moment was that the only person I considered a real celebrity, Lou Diamond Phillips, won the show. He would have been a better fit for The Celebrity Apprentice or Dancing with the Stars.

Sadly, Michele Smith acts like this all the time on Leave it to Lamas 3. Leave it to Lamas (E!) - How does a channel manage to put the hysterical shows Chelsea Lately and The Soup on and yet green light this thing? I thought that E! was scraping the bottom of the barrel when they started reality shows involving the Kardashians. Then it slowly progressed and got worse. Soon Denise Richards, the Lohans, and the Carters had cameras following them. Now we have reached rock bottom with the broken Lamas family. Shayne Lamas had good intentions for the show. If Shayne wanted to reconnect with her father and bring her family closer together, why did she pick a reality show? It's called a psychiatrist. If she really wanted a reality show, combine the Lamas family with Dr. Drew.

I wasted hours watching the Lamas family attempt to assemble a grill, use a microwave, and cringed as an estranged father and son awkwardly shook hands. Michele Smith is in a world of her own.

There are tons of disastrous reality shows that aired in 2009: Jersey Shore slipped in last minute, but if that aired earlier this year, it would have easily made the list, The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins made Tonya look like a disastrous, unstable train-wreck. I'm sure there are many I forgot, so leave your comments about the shows you found disastrous.

Twelve shows a stinkin'
Eleven babes worth watchin'
Ten shows on DVD
Nine on-air breakdowns
Eight stars a'shinin'
Seven shows a'thrivin'
Six shows you should be watchin'
Five cancelled shows
Four webby series

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Sir Yuck-Yuck

I liked there goes the neighbourhood I also liked 13 : fear is real, HELL I even liked kid nation LOL . I wish they would do another, murder in smalltown X

December 21 2009 at 8:32 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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