While nobody wants to see him go, of course, in practical terms we must consider the possibility of a 'Two and a Half Men' without Charlie Harper. While the show has been renewed through the next two seasons, Charlie Sheen has expressed interest in leaving; his contract is up this season. Even if it's just a negotiating ploy, CBS is probably considering how the show could continue without him.

Tiger Woods was immediately interested in doing the show after he'd heard how many different women Charlie has slept with, but he backed out when he found out it was all acting on the show. Luckily, the PGA welcomed him back with open arms mere moments before the entire sport collapsed.

Conan O'Brien was briefly considered, but NBC said no before they even heard what it was. When advised that he probably wouldn't be needed until next September, when the network's hold over O'Brien expires anyway, they relented. "At least," no one from NBC actually said, "...it would keep him the hell away from 11:30."

But let's be realistic for a moment. Shows have survived major casting changes before. In fact, Charlie Sheen was a part of such a transition when he replaced Michael J. Fox on ABC's popular 'Spin City,' going on to win a Golden Globe for his performance on that show.

We're a bit too savvy a viewing public for them to pull a Darrin-switch on us and get away with it, unless they find a dead ringer look-alike for Charlie Sheen, like Danny DeVito. As a family sitcom, consideration will have to be made for how to write Sheen out, being sensitive to the character and the actor. Something like ... Charlie goes into rehab. That should cover it.

So what do we do now? Here's some suggestions as a fill-in for Charlie:

Michael J. Fox

In character as Mike Flaherty from 'Spin City,' Fox shows up at Charlie's house looking for Charlie Crawford. It took a couple of years, because Charlie had used a fake last name while working for the city of New York, but Flaherty is there to introduce him to the son he had with Caitlin (Heather Locklear). Caitlin died in childbirth, shortly after Charlie left, and Mike had been raising the son as his own, but now it was too much because of his Parkinson's disease, so he'd sought out Charlie for help, only to find him in rehab. Of course, Alan agrees to help raise his nephew.


Glenn Quagmire - Cleveland set a precedent for characters stepping out of 'Family Guy' into new shows, and Quagmire would make the smoothest transition for the existing writers. Throw in a few "Giggitys" and an "All right!" or two into the existing dialogue and you're all set. He can be brought in as a half-brother they didn't know who shows up to hit up Charlie for money, only to move in upon finding Charlie gone. "Only until he gets out of rehab," he explains.


Simon Cowell - With 'American Idol' behind him, Cowell decides to spend some time before starting up 'The X-Factor' buying as much of America as he can, including the entire beach where Charlie's house sits. Finding Charlie's house the most appealing among them, he declares it his new vacation home and winds up spending most of his time there. He doesn't force anyone out, but constantly judges them on everything they're doing.

Bill Cosby - After Charlie goes to rehab, an investigator (Cosby) from child protective services stops by the house to see if Charlie's problems have had a negative impact on Jake. He's appalled at the filthy language and sexual situations that keep occurring in and around the household, and threatens to take Jake away from Alan if the situation doesn't improve and their lives don't reflect the moral high standing of some of the best sitcoms of the 1980s. He monitors the situation closely by checking in every day.

Spencer Pratt - Now that 'The Hills' is over, and Heidi Montag has completed her transformation into a department store mannequin, Spencer heads off to reclaim his swinging bachelor status. While cruising along the beach, he decides he likes Charlie's house and moves in. When told he can't just do that, he starts yelling and crying about how hard it is. Alan relents, figuring it's easier to leave him be than to try and talk rationally to him.

James Franco - Franco will play himself. He meets Charlie in rehab; he was just there because it looked like something interesting to do for awhile; and agrees to check in on Alan and Jake when he leaves. When Jake thinks it's awesome that he's there, Franco agrees to move in. We'll then get to follow Franco as he takes on whatever random job strikes his fancy each week, from radio DJ to massage therapist to Catholic nun.

Betty White - With Charlie in rehab, an old clause in the original purchase contract he signed says that Betty White's character -- another Rose -- can move back into the house. Her family used to own all of the land in the area, and she worked the rehab clause into all the contracts, expecting that eventually someone would go and she could score free room and board. She agrees to let Alan stay because she thinks he's cute, and we learn that she's every bit the female equivalent of Charlie when it comes to the opposite sex! And she's got her cougar eye on Alan.