The Word According to Sue Sylvester: 20 Best Quotes

Cheerios coach Sue Sylvester, played by the always awesome Jane Lynch, is one of the most evilly delicious villains ever to appear on screen. Perpetually clad in an Adidas tracksuit, she's the rare kind of character audiences love to hate. It's a testament to the 'Glee' writing staff that after only 13 episodes, so many of Sue's one-liners have been endlessly repeated -- over watercoolers, on late-night shows and across the blogosphere.

Here are 20 Sue quotes that reveal what the kick-ass coach thinks about the world around her.

On Mr. Schuester's character flaws: "You'll be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at -- right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't make you look like a lesbian."

On New Horizons' 'Push It' routine: "That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching, and that includes an elementary-school production of 'Hair.'"

More after the jump.Cheerios coach Sue Sylvester, played by the always awesome Jane Lynch, is one of the most evilly delicious villains ever to appear on screen. Perpetually clad in an Adidas tracksuit, she's the rare kind of character audiences love to hate. It's a testament to the 'Glee' writing staff that after only 13 episodes, so many of Sue's one-liners have been endlessly repeated -- over water-coolers, on late-night shows and across the blogosphere.

Here are 20 Sue quotes that reveal what the kick-ass coach thinks about the world around her.

On Mr. Schuester's character flaws: "You'll be adding revenge to the long list of things you're no good at -- right next to being married, running a high school glee club and finding a hairstyle that doesn't make you look like a lesbian."

On New Horizons' 'Push It' routine: "That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching, and that includes an elementary-school production of 'Hair.'"

On recognizing failure: "I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office."

On her coaching methods: "I'm all about empowerment. I empower my Cheerios to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror."

On real disappointment: "You think this was hard? Try auditioning for 'Baywatch' and being told they're going in another direction. That was hard!"

On parenthood: "I always thought the need to procreate showed deep personal weakness."

On feeling persecuted: "Here I am, about to turn 30, and I've sacrificed everything, only to be shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy, misshapen teens."

On Mr. Schu's 'do: "I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help but picturing birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting."

On marriage: "I, for one, think intimacy has no place in marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling."

On school policy: "It is my strong recommendation that both these students be hobbled."

On effective threats: "I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then, on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face!"

On environmentalism: "Not everyone is going to have the walnuts to take a pro-littering stance, but I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage."

On multiculturalism: "I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California to become one."

On Will and Emma's relationship: "You need a machete to cut through the haze of lust that surrounds them."

On unnecessary body parts: "This year, I got myself a bit of an eye-lift. While they were there, I told them to tear out my tear ducts. Wasn't using them."

On the perfect day: "All I want is just one day when I'm not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties. Seriously, Ohio, these retinas need a day off."

On discipline: "We're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them. Without it, their bones won't grow properly."

On parenthood, II: "Me, I've never wanted kids. Don't have the time. Don't have the uterus."

On Mr. Schuester's future: "Get ready for the ride of your life, Will Schuester. You're about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination: Horror!"

On the Glee club: "Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth-breathers, it only comes back stronger, like some sexually ambiguous horror villain."

Tell us: What's your favorite Sue Sylvester quote?