Oh, No: They're Making a Boston Version of 'Jersey Shore!'
I have no interest in watching MTV's 'Jersey Shore,' for approximately 75 reasons. But I think it can be boiled down into one sentence: why in God's name would I want to watch 'Jersey Shore?'
But here's the deal: they're making a Boston version. I live in the Boston area, born and raised, so of course I have to at least check out the first episode, right? It scares me a bit though. What are they going to get wrong? What are they going to get too right? Will the show make me want to hide the fact that I'm a Bostonian from people and start talking about how much I like the Lakers, making sure I pronounce my "r" in Lakers with more emphasis?
I get a kick out of seeing Boston on the small (or big) screen, a feeling I'm sure a lot of people get when they see their area of the world depicted in a TV show or movie. It was great to watch 'Spenser: For Hire' in the '80s (and it was even filmed here), and it's great to see that '30 Rock's' Jack Donaghy and Nancy went to school here. Though I think Julianne Moore should ease up on the Boston accent about 27 notches.
But what will MTV and the people behind 'Jersey Shore' do to Boston? Something tells me it's not going to be the positive depiction that we've seen in 'Spenser' or 'Bewitched.'
Here's the description of the show from the producer: "We're giving Massachusetts the chance to show the world why Bay Staters have got the hottest girls and proudly buff guys who believe in God, family, politics, sports, beer, and partying!" Wow. Even if you wanted to purposely write a stupid description of a show you couldn't do better than that. Why do I think that even though he listed "God" first it's probably going to be the last topic covered on the show? And I'm still trying to figure out how someone "believes" in politics.
We do party a lot here though, and that's what the show will focus on. That and those hot, buff bodies. I just hope that there's a lot of hair gel involved somehow.
I can make some predictions on what we'll see, besides drinking and arguments involving the Red Sox.
1. People carrying cups of Dunkin' Donuts coffee.
2. Use of the phrase "wicked awesome."
3. Shots of and maybe even a visit to Fenway Park, which will make for a good setting for the above drinking and arguments about the Sox.
4. Several people saying something bad about New York that won't make any sense but they have to say it because they're from Boston.
5. Confusing highways, street signs, and people giving the finger a lot.
So let me apologize to the entire United States for what you're going to see later this year. Please know that the people you see depicted on this show are not an accurate representation of what you'll find if you come to Boston. The people of New Jersey are going through this right now, and Boston is going to feel that pain too. They're going for a specific type of Boston resident, a specific age, people with a specific lifestyle that fits into this bizarre genre of show that MTV has created to infest the airwaves.
I mean, if it's going to be set in Boston then the least they could do is call it 'Wicked Summah!'