'30 Rock' - 'Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter' Recap

(S04E17) "Thank you, Lemon, but my true present is that exquisite ensemble. You look like a prison weed dealer." - Jack to Liz, on her singles dodge ball outfit.

Jack, Jack, Jack! I guess there are worse things than having to choose between gorgeous Elizabeth Banks and beautiful Julianne Moore on your 51st birthday. I'm with Liz, though. Guys have it easy. They just get more distinguished and stately as they get older. Girls get flabby arms and wrinkles. " You're juggling two beautiful women while I have to pay to have kick balls whipped at me," says Liz. "This is gender inequity out the yang."

Oh, and in case you're wondering, no, this isn't Bob. This is Jane, filling in for Bob, who had some cable issues last night. Hope you're back up and running, Bob, because trying to catch all the fun quotes in this episode was brutal. I did my best to hold down the fort for you, though.

OK, so we've established that Jack's saddled with the high-class problem of choosing between Avery Jessup (a.k.a Derek Jeter, because she called Jack from his posh pad) and Nancy Donovan (a.k.a. Lee Marvin, because she and Jack planned to hang around and watch his movies on TCM). I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that I just can't wrap my head around Julianne Moore as tough-talking Nancy, when everything about her screams Ritz-Carlton. Just sayin'...

Then again, Nancy did give Liz some wise advice about men, telling her to "stop thinking about what you don't want and start figuring out what you do want. and then just go get it." Unfortunately, when Liz took that advice, turns out that the guy at the dodge ball game couldn't speak English and thought he was at an alcoholic's meeting. Good effort, though.

The B story about racism and affirmative action was funny, without being (too) offensive. Had to love it when Tracy Jordan told the guys in the office, "I know you're all secretly mad, because we finally have a black Disney princess." Seriously, could they cram more funny one-liners in 22 minutes? I think not.

Oh, and awesome cameo by Will Ferrell in the action drama 'Bitch Hunter'! Yeah, I can see why NBC would pick up a girly show after getting flack from women's groups about 'Bitch Hunter' (produced by Jack Burditt and Ben Silverman).

Fun Quotes:

Jack: "Lemon, are you wearing a cup?"
Liz: "Oh, I forgot. Only GUYS can get hurt there."

"Line dancing this afternoon, and then tomorrow is the wine and cheese tasting, or as I like to call it, singles fart suppression." - Liz to Jenna, on her upcoming singles events

Jenna: "Maybe I should go with you ... be your wingman."
Liz: "Oh, thanks, Jenna. You don't have to do that."
Jenna: "No, it'd be good acting research for me. I'm up for a role in 'National Lampoon's Van Wilder's Wingman, Incorporated.'"
Liz: "I look forward to not watching that on an airplane."

"Lemon, the grownup dating world is like your haircut: Sometimes awkward triangles occur." - Jack

"Why would a lady get divorced at 50? Stick it out! Men die first, then you have two wonderful years, then you die." - Liz

Toofer: "I am about to utter two words a Harvard man never says."
Liz: "I'm cool? No, I'm sorry, you can't set me up like that."
Toofer: "I quit!"

Nancy: "Can we wait until the morning to fool around? Because I'm exhausted, and I've got the night bloats."
Jack: "Yes, I'm exhausted, too."
Nancy: "There's a Lee Marvin marathon on Turner Classics."
Jack: "I thought you said this wasn't going to be sexual."

Liz: "How's your episode of 'Three's Company' going?"
Jack: "Like 'Three's Company' -- it's titillating, yet anxiety producing."

"Ewww, were you with both of them on one night? You are officially a John Mayer-style garbage ... " - Liz to Jack

Avery: "They're the cufflinks Reagan was buried in. Don't ask how I got them ... but I do know the access code to his pyramid ... some day you'll be as great a man as he was."
Jack: "I do like jelly beans."