TV 101: "Save Our Show" Stunts Are Dumb

Recently, fans of NBC's 'Chuck' decided to stage flash mobs as a way to raise awareness about a show that seems to spend 99% of its time on the cusp of cancellation.

There are two things wrong with doing this. The first is that the solution to the ratings issues 'Chuck' has is obvious (and one that I've written to NBC about several times). California State Law prohibits me from outlining here exactly what my idea is, but just know that it involves Yvonne Strahovski, a string bikini, and several gallons of apple butter.

My second problem with the flash mobs is far more complex and nuanced, but if I had to sum it up into a sentence, it would be this: anyone who participates in a stunt to try to get a show to remain on the air is dumb.

Let's outline what this article is not.

1. This is not an article that will say that people need to make better use of their time. I've written nearly 300,000 words about television for this site, so clearly I'm in no position to tell people how to spend their time. (Quick statistical side note -- 91,021 of those words reference either women I find attractive or Sith Lords).

2. This is in no way a criticism of Fandom. I love the goofy passion that nerds have for things that aren't real - hell, I spent my entire college career either playing D&D or voting in national elections, so I can't criticize anyone for believing in fairy tales. There's nothing wrong with caring a little too much about TV.

That said, I stand by my original statement: if you took part in a flash mob to save 'Chuck', then you are dumb.

The reason why is because stunts don't work like they're supposed to. People participate in these things with the intention of keeping a show from being canceled and increasing its popularity so that further stunts aren't necessary to save it. While the former might happen from time to time, the latter never happens.

Stunts don't save shows in any kind of meaningful way. Sure, networks might temporarily jump on the publicity bandwagon and green light another season, but historical precedent shows that any resolution to a stunt is likely to be a half-assed one.

Three recent examples bear this out:

Conan O'Brien - fans took to the internets with an "I'm with CoCo" campaign that was so powerful, it ended with Jay Leno back in control of the 'Tonight Show' and Conan O'Brien being moved to basic cable.

'Jericho' - Clay Aiken single-handedly brought this show back to life using the two things he knows best: Claymates and nuts. And what did we get? Seven more episodes that no one watched.

'Roswell' - fans sent Tabasco Sauce to show their support, which bought one more low rated season on the WB, followed by an even lower rated season on UPN. (Wait a second, you might say, that's TWO seasons following the stunt, which ain't so bad. Yes, but one of them was on UPN so that doesn't count. In 2001, being canceled was actually preferable than being on UPN).

Further, stunts don't have any marked effect on a show's popularity because no normal person hears about a stunt and thinks "Wow, those 'Chuck' fans are really passionate - I bet you that's a great show that I need to start watching!"

What they think is this: "Hm, 'Flash mobs?' I wonder if that means people are naked? No? Oh, well, that's a shame, I would have liked to have seen naked people. Gee, it seems like that show 'Chuck' certainly has a lot of nerds who like it. Good for them, I'm glad they've found something other than sex to keep them occupied. I will now forever link 'Chuck' with 'Star Trek' and 'Star Wars' as something that nerds really love for some reason. I'll never watch that myself because I don't want to be known as one of those people. Fist pump! Jersey Shore!"

It's important to remember that the networks don't actually care about producing quality entertainment; they care about producing entertainment that people will actually watch. That's a distinction that results in shows like 'Chuck' and 'Arrested Development' and 'Firefly' withering and dying while Charlie Sheen earns four lifetimes worth of coke and hooker money every time a new 'Two and a Half Men' airs.

The only stunt that actually has any lasting effect is watching the show. There is historical precedence for this as well:

In 2002, Fox canceled 'Family Guy'. Its core fan base was either too stoned or too incarcerated to raise much of a fuss and that was that. Except that its ratings on Adult Swim and its DVD sales were so strong that two years later Fox brought the show back, not only giving us several more years of 'Family Guy' but more importantly setting the stage for this 'South Park' episode.

It wasn't nuts glued to the chin that saved 'The Family Guy' or sending Quagmire-style leopard-print underwear to Fox - it was eyeballs and wallets. Once fans proved they would watch the show, Fox put it back on the air.

A stunt to save a show is like a love poem written for a prostitute: you don't need couplets, you just need a couple of bucks. Stop futzing around and just pay the lady.

That's what 'Chuck' fans ought to be doing. Instead of organizing useless flash mobs, they should be concentrating on a non-annoying way of getting people who haven't watched the show to give it a try. If it's good enough to warrant a stunt, it ought to be good enough to build an audience.

And if it's not? Then maybe Yvonne Strahovski will finally agree to star in the screenplay I wrote for her - 'Jay and Yvonne make a Porno' (in 3D).

(Jay Black is a writer and comedian who really hopes you like this column. If you want to find out more about Jay or see one of his live shows, check out his website at www.jayblackcomedy.net).

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