The Comcast Merger, Who Loves Ya Baby?

Big corporate mergers are nothing new. And if you are ever shocked to hear that Giant Corporation A is merging with Giant Corporation B, chances are the cave you live in probably doesn't get cable.

Comcast and NBC Universal are about to do just that and both sides are vowing to work together before the ink on the paper has even had a chance to dry. The difference with this deal, unlike other large corporate mergers, is that it gives a major cable company control over an extensive media empire.

The deal also has all sorts of benefits for interested parties and a few unintended consequences that got lost in the mesh of paper ink that is "the fine print." Here's our breakdown of the Comcast-NBC merger.

Loves Ya: NBC - "Miss Peacock" might have a short roster of funny shows, but the ratings as a whole are abysmal. She's been around the block more than a few times and feels more than ready to settle down with someone new. Comcast may have taken a vow to honor and cherish NBC by not interfering with the media side of things, but she's ready for a new face that scores her some more attention. It's a shame Oprah doesn't work for Comcast because she could use a makeover.

Loves Ya: Comcast Stockholders - These money grubbing NASDAQ-humpers have also been praying for an intervention like this. Cable customers have been jumping ship and causing all sorts of stock problems. Media, particularly entertainment, can make big bucks on Wall Street. A new joint venture in a growing sector could breathe new life into their portfolios.

Loves Ya: GE - If there is any surefire winner, it's NBC's ex. Not only do they get a huge alimony check out of the deal for selling NBC to the new owners, but they can also unload a huge monkey off their back. GE never really seemed like a great fit for the media industry and being the owner of the fourth-most watched network out of four didn't help. It's an amicable split, but both sides are breathing such a huge sigh of relief that GE is trying to find a way to harness those breaths as a new form of wind power.

Hates Ya: Comcast Customers - Did you ever go to a restaurant alone and have to sit next to an overly affectionate couple that made you wish Cupid had aimed his love arrow a little lower on the boyfriend's body? Their incessant smooching and repeated use of the word "wuv" instead of "love" made you want to puke in your soup. Now imagine those two lovesick lovebirds with their own network. Comcast has a lot of money riding on this deal and the only way it's going to pay off is if more people pay attention to it, so expect an onslaught of commercials for new NBC shows, more junk mail in your eye-popping cable bill and even a little tug-of-war between rival cable properties.

Hates Ya: TV Watchers In General - The media landscape is becoming more and more consolidated and this is just another step towards that inevitable conclusion. Companies have the right to buy and sell each other within the confines of the law, but the more they gobble each other up, the fewer the choices and voices us regular couch potatoes will have when it comes to fulfilling our needs for viewing enlightenment and pleasure. That's also good news for NBC because having only one major network conglomerate means they won't have to worry about being in fourth place anymore.