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'The Bachelorette' - Season Premiere Recap

by Laura Prudom, posted May 25th 2010 9:26AM
(S06E01) Hold on to your roses, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for season six of 'The Bachelorette,' AKA, 'That Show Where You Must Forsake Your Livelihood And Home To Pursue Twoo Wuv, Or Be Forever Branded A Workaholic.'

In case the last season of 'The Bachelor' and the numerous previews, 'After the Rose' specials, opening credit voiceovers and multiple Chris Harrison interviews during the episode didn't quite give you the whole story, allow us to remind you that Ali Fedotowsky almost won Jake Pavelka's heart last season on 'The Bachelor,' before her mean old employers were meaniefaces who told her to stop frolicking about on a reality game show and get back to work, or risk getting fired.

And because Ali was a workaholic shrew, she chose her career over love and broke poor Jake's heart -- for shame! Much weeping and hand-wringing ensued for the rest of the season, and in subsequent tabloid columns, just to remind us that one should never choose career stability and a steady paycheck over a dreamy hunk of Texan man who can fly planes to like, anywhere!

But now Ali is back, and she's learned her lesson! She's quit her job and moved out of her apartment in her quest for romance, so let's just hope that none of her potential suitors have recently quit their jobs and are living with their parents, since that could get awkward. Oh, wait ...

As you might have already seen, we didn't think much of Ali's new crop of bachelors -- from the dull to the dreary to the downright creepy, we can't help feeling she got a little shortchanged in the man candy department. One thing that can be said for these guys, however, is that most of them know how to make an impression ... it's just not necessarily a good one.

Take Frank, for example, who quit his job at a multinational corporation to follow his dreams of becoming a screenwriter. He told Ali he moved to Paris to write, which sounds way more romantic than what he told us in his video interview, which is that he moved out of his swanky condo and is now living with his parents. Sexy. "But he and Ali are so similar!" you may shout, "they're both jobless and homeless!" Yes, it's a match made in hobo heaven.

We were also fairly fascinated by Craig M., who apparently has delusions of being McDreamy, right down to the epically moussed hair -- we suspect that he spent far longer getting glammed up for the first meeting than Ali did. He's also heroically willing to give up his suave, Canadian playboy ways if he feels a connection with Ali. Probably. We can't help but think of Gretchen Wieners when we look at this guy; his hair is so big because it's full of secrets.

The most controversial contestant of the night was undoubtedly Justin, a professional wrestler who tragically broke his ankle two weeks before the first taping.

His in-ring persona is supposedly called "Rated R" -- or, as Craig R. imaginatively commented, "Rated Dishonest" -- which, along with his sympathy injury, immediately had the other guys gunning for him. So much so that when Chris Harrison rolled out the ill-advised Ballot Box-o-Doom and asked the bachelors to name a fellow competitor whom they felt wasn't there for the Right Reasons, guess which guy got the smackdown laid on him? Despite the Clark Kent shirt-ripping, we actually kinda dug Justin; he has a sweet little granny (or a dastardly imposter similarly designed to tug on our heartstrings!) and seems to be close to his momma. N'aww.

But the gold star for most tragic introduction undoubtedly went to Tyler for the case of mistaken identity -- dude turned up wearing cowboy boots because he seemed convinced that Ali had hopped out of her limo on 'The Bachelor' wearing cowboy boots to impress Jake. Uh, no. Awk-ward. (Any hardcore 'Bachelor' fans out there remember who the cowgirl in question was?)

And that's not even touching on the mountain man (yes, that's apparently a legitimate profession) whose house is full of the taxidermied carcasses of all the innocent animals he's killed. Apparently, he's been murdering furry woodland creatures since he was four -- sociopathic tendencies are such a turn on, aren't they, girls?

Though Justin and his sympathy ankle escaped the Ballot Box-o-Doom unscathed, we've got to admit we found the whole process a little bizarre; presumably the concept was introduced to avoid another Rosalyn-shaped scandal (although somehow we doubt any of Ali's suitors are looking to bump uglies with one of the show's producers this time around), but we would've saved that particular twist until at least episode two or three, when some real drama might've had a chance to brew.

And we can't help but find it a little ironic that, had Jake listened to Ali and the other bachelorettes' first impressions of the divisive Vienna, the outcome of last season's 'Bachelor' might've been very different -- we wonder if Ali is viewing that as a point in favor of the 'BBoD' or against it.

The other guys might have been busy tag-teaming the wrestler for seeming insincere, but for us, it was actually Roberto, the man who earned Ali's first impression rose, who seemed a little too perfect for our taste. The spicy salsa dancer immediately won Ali over with his smooth moves and flattery, but we think there was something a little too choreographed about his strategy ...

While it's unfortunate for entertainment purposes (but a good sign for Ali's taste) that our Bachelorette managed to weed out most of the freakazoids in her initial round of eliminations, we're kind of crossing our fingers that the smarmy weatherman and Hunter-the-ukulele-player with the crazy eyes are the next guys sent home. But we kind of want to keep Craig M. around a little longer just to see if his hair gets any bigger; we have a feeling there'll be plenty of secrets for him to store in there this season ...

Who were your favorite bachelors of the night? Did Ali make the right call, or should she have heeded the Ballot Box'o Doom? Share your thoughts below!

[Follow Laura on Twitter @LauinLA.]

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Where did they get these guys? They are acting like a bunch of college kids. Roberto is the only one that has any class. Most are not good looking and act like a bunch of kids. I feel for Ali. Hope she finds what she's looking for. I do love the show however.

June 15 2010 at 2:44 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Nancy Martin

Whoever does the casting for this show should be fired! I couldn't find one person who I would think Ali could be remotely attracted to. In recent interviews, she has said she is happy with her decision. I hope her decision is that she didn't pick any of them. What a total let down if I was in her position.

May 25 2010 at 5:16 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Nancy Martin's comment
Laura Prudom

From last night's first impressions, I'm kind of leaning that way too - they were fairly tragic! MAYBE some of the guys will grow on us by the end of the series, but right now I'm not holding my breath - thanks for commenting!

May 25 2010 at 5:36 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Couchtime With Jill

Definitely a strange group. The 'outdoorsman' was kind of creepy, and Frank was WAY too giddy when he found out the bachelorette was going to be Ali. What guys even watch The Bachelor? Why did they know who she was?

Check out my review of the first episode here: http://couchtimewithjill.blogspot.com

May 25 2010 at 3:30 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Couchtime With Jill's comment
Laura Prudom

Good point - we should probably be unnerved by the avid Bachelor fans; like the dude who brought her leaves to recreate her hometown memory. Although that's still a definite improvement on the guy who got her mixed up with one of Jake's other Bachelorettes, there was no saving him after that.

May 25 2010 at 5:34 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

What an odd group of guys for sure. Some creeped me out while I was trying to find someone good, roberto was the only one, and only finding one is sad.
Loved: the guy who said thank god it wasn't vienna who he was meeting.
Hated: the fact that I swore I saw a good looking guy in a brief flash only to never see that guy again for the entire episode, so I'm convinced I made him up because of the lack of good looking guys!

May 25 2010 at 10:44 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to lauren's comment
Laura Prudom

Ah yes, the phantom hottie, I know the feeling! From the preview pictures, I dug Chris H. (the first guy out of the limo) but then he stayed quiet for the rest of the show! I'm hoping he'll develop more of a personality next week.

May 25 2010 at 5:28 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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