(S06E04) Welcome back, Ali-coholics -- it was a surreal episode this week. Just when we thought 'The Bachelorette' couldn't get any weirder, Kasey decides to burst into song ... well, kind of.

The self-proclaimed guard and protector of Ali's heart (seriously, how many times was that line uttered this episode?) won the first one-on-one date this week -- a whirlwind tour around New York City, including a helicopter ride above the skyline. For a chick who's afraid of flying, Ms. Fedotowski sure does a lot of jet-setting, doesn't she?

The date also included Ali and Kasey's own madcap reenactment of 'Night at the Museum,' and Kasey's first misguided attempt at singing (yes, there was more than one). Ali seemed as bewildered and creeped out as we were -- nervously laughing to fill the looong silence that followed his impromptu performance. Awkwaaard. Sure, a lot of girls dream of being serenaded by some hunky singer-songwriter who is inspired to lyricize by our radiant beauty and charm, but Kasey ain't no Joshua Radin; more on him later.
Ali decided to shake things up by declining to give Kasey a rose but opting to keep him around a little longer to see if he might be capable of behaving like a sane and rational human being at some point down the road.

Then Kasey definitively answered that question by sneaking out and getting a heart and shield (with prerequisite 'Bachelor' rose) tattooed on his wrist. Because nothing says commitment to a girl you've known for four weeks like permanent ink on your skin.

Forget commitment, we think Kasey needs to be committed.

For the group date, Ali decided to publicly humiliate her paramours by forcing them to sing and dance to showtunes. Sexy. Roberto, of course, worked his suave Salsa mojo and stared dreamily into Ali's eyes as he sang 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight,' which obviously had Ali feeling the love. I'm sorry, the dude is still too perfect for me. I was much more impressed with Jesse's shy but surprisingly good rendition, which seemed like the clear winner 'til Roberto and his smoldering Latin looks stole the show.

It was interesting to see the guys react while Ali and Roberto canoodled on stage in front of a sold-out Broadway audience, who were probably wondering where the real aerialists had disappeared to and why reality stars now seem entitled to ruin iconic musicals whilst dangling from wires. We were wondering the same thing.

Frank and the weatherman seemed on the verge of a volcanic eruption as Roberto cosied closer to our bachelorette, and if Jonathan doesn't stop making horrific weather-related puns, he's liable to find an umbrella inserted in a place where the sun don't shine.

Frank probably didn't do himself any favors by dragging an ill and sore-throated Ali out into the NYC night to get rained on for their brief one-on-one chat, but he still fared better than Jonathan who fumbled every opportunity to steal a moment with Ali and then sat around whining about how stupid and incompetent he was. We're not arguing, weatherman.

Then he attempted to sing, and I was tempted to just turn off the TV and move on with my life. Kirk put it best, "What we need is one more guy to play the guitar in this house; it's not enough yet." How many horrific songs does Ali (and her loyal audience) need to be subjected to, I ask you?

Kirk has clearly been studying the art of suave from Roberto. While all the other guys were picking at Ali like vultures, it was Kirk who suggested she should take care of herself and go to bed, thus earning himself the right to tuck her in and read her a bedtime story that mostly seemed to involve their tongues. Am I the only one who was grossed out that all these dudes were willing to suck face with someone who's obviously sick? Yuck.

Clearly the episode's stand out performer (if you don't count Kasey and his psychotic break) was Chris L., who was celebrating a birthday on the day of his one-on-one date with Ali. He brought her chicken soup and flowers (n'aww!) and also had no problem kissing her (eeew), but his perseverance paid off. After spending the day in bed together (oh behave!) Ali rallied to take Chris to a private club where he opened up about his family and got to call his dad, before he and Ali shared a romantic dance to Joshua Radin and an inexplicable and very cold-looking choir.

Even though I initially thought Chris L. had the crazy-eyes, I must admit that I'm warming to him. He seems genuinely sweet and sincere -- take note, Kasey -- and his story about his mom and the rainbows might have had me tearing up just a little.

And how amusing was it to watch Justin calling Kasey out on dishonesty? I swear, these guys keep having the exact same arguments week in and week out: We've already suffered through weatherman vs. hairman and Justin vs. everyone, but I've got to admit, Kasey has kind of gone batsh*t insane, right? Chris L. was on the money: Kasey sees Ali as "unicorn love," which ... only works if you're a Disney character. I half expected a host of birds and singing rodents to appear when he burst into song the second time around. Yikes.

Ultimately, we saw the weatherman finally put out of his misery and sent home, although I was surprised to see the nice-but-dim Jesse go in lieu of say, Chris N., whose name I had to go and look up just now because he has no discernible personality to speak of.

But next week we get one of the deadliest dates in 'Bachelorette' history when our competitors venture out to Iceland for a visit to the infamous Eyjafjallajökull, filmed just days before it erupted and ruined everyone's vacation plans! Oh, and Kasey still has to show Ali his tattoo ... See you there.

Watch the full episode below!