'Bethenny Getting Married' - 'In-laws We Trust' Recap

(S01E02) - It's only the second episode and Bethenny's already imposing to-do list of baby, book and wedding has massively ballooned. Max, drop the Depp and get on it!

Jason is still absent due to canceled flights. Bethenny must nonetheless make a frittata for Jason's father. Go hopping for a wedding dress with Jason's mother. Mold the coiffed Max into someone who is on-point. Assess a new wedding planner. Decide if she's the type of person who would serve coffee to potential guests after dinner. Would it be decaf? She doesn't want to stay up late. Is anyone else getting slight chest pains?

If the premiere last week was sweet, this installment is pure frenzy. We learn how rushed everything really is when Bethenny tells us the time frame: four weeks till wedding. Jason's visiting parents, Carol and Bob, provide a refreshing spot of Pennsylvania cuteness. It's understandable that after looking for wedding dresses with Bethenny at several shops, Carol is exhausted. It's exhausting just watching Bethenny try to tackle everything. So when Max fails to have a car waiting after one of Bethenny's speaking engagements, it's hard to argue when she lays down the law. She already has yet another place to be.

By the end of the episode, Shawn, the wedding planner, has the crazy-eyed look of a nerd who sees a bully fixing to wedgie him. Bethenny wants her wedding at The Four Seasons, with little room for compromise. She needs cotton candy centerpieces. This perfectionist is obviously not feeling Shawn.

"This is a 'trust me' guy," she says in her aside. "'Trust me, I'm wearing a condom,'" then motions to her protruding stomach. "Look at me now."

Out with the lovely Carol, she's losing it amidst a scary sea of stripper wedding dresses and bathing suit wedding dresses.

"I was out of my mind, I didn't know who I was, I didn't know where I came from," Bethenny tells us. Why aren't the TLC brides this entertaining? By the time the dress, a ruched, body-hugging number, makes it onto Bethenny, Jason's mom has tears in her eyes as we get our Ramoment-without-Ramona. "I waited for this day," she tells Bethenny, adding, "I hope we finally give her that family she's been missing all these years." What's not to love about Jason's parents??

Back at therapy, Bethenny admits that her mother, now her only living parent, will not be invited to the Frankel-Hoppy wedding. She's not a nice person, Bethenny tells the therapist, and she wants to surround herself with good vibes. But crazy? Crazy = good. "I feel comfortable around crazy people," Bethenny later says, referring to a mom and admirer of Bethenny's Skinnygirl Martinis who hires a mariachi band (tenuous connection!!) to play outside her house during Bethenny's speaking engagement there. More crazy arrives with a business associate in Bethenny's new skincare line (more work stuff??) who claims to have used the products for a few days. Problem is, he has massive red blotches on his face. Oh, that's just from a chemical peel, he assures Bethenny. Great timing, guy!

Next in line is the dog behaviorist. The diagnosis? Cookie doesn't particularly like people. The discovery? Cookie is the mirror image of Bethenny's sometime-curmudgeon self. Will her child adopt the same people-hating personality, Bethenny wonders? It's all right, there's more amusement than horror going on here. Sort of.

It's no surprise that Jason, back in town, looks forward to the zapping of products at Bloomingdale's for the registry. (Oh, sure, the fun part.) A better revelation: While perusing flatware and ice buckets, Bethenny has created a fictitious group of people as a way of determining if things like napkin rings and fancy coffee cups are necessary. She's delirious, descending into a veritable laughing fit. The Bloomingdale's salesman looks uneasy. This is, without a doubt, the best part.

Jason decides to test a teacup by pressing his foot on it. The handle breaks off. Bethenny: "Mazel Tov!"


Other Bethenny rimshot moments:

"I'm like a brisket walking in to put a wedding dress on."

"I want my dress to be a shotgun wedding-knocked up-and-I don't give a damn. That kinda look."

"Are all people napkin ring people? Do we look like napkin ring people?" Bethenny asks the Bloomingdale's salesman ... "If someone comes in here and buys this napkin ring for $5, you call me."

"Let's face it, they have not seen the inside of their kitchens," talking about a group of women who attended her speaking engagement at a palatial New Jersey house.

"It's like taking Betty White to therapy." This, on the decision to invite a dog behavioralist to assess 10-year-old dog Cookie.