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Eight Shows Least Deserving of an Emmy Nomination

by Danny Gallagher, posted Jun 24th 2010 4:00PM
Jeff Dunham and Achmed the Dead TerroristIt's a shame that television doesn't have the equivalent of the Razzies, an award that extends much needed raspberries. It's such a veritable gold mine of sub-standard entertainment that the list of nominees could circle the globe twice and the awards show itself would take three days.

Then again, the Emmys are long enough.

Thanks to this lack of a punching bag for bad television, tons of horrific, terrible and just plain bad shows don't get the golden punch to the groin that they so richly deserve. They simply crawl back into the darkness unscathed, fresh-faced and ready to strike again. So in honor of Bob's "Nine People and Shows that Deserve Emmy Nominations," here are the shows that would have won big at the Emmys ... in the Bizarro World!

'The Jeff Dunham Show'
It's hard to know which is more astounding: the fact that someone in charge of Comedy Central thought giving the popular comic ventriloquist his own weekly scripted show or its rapid pummel to the depths of ratings hell. It went from scoring the highest opening audience ever for a Comedy Central show to doing a picture-perfect rendition of Ike Broflovski's impression of David Caruso's career.

The same network that had produced some of the smartest television shows in history such as 'The Daily Show,' 'Chappelle's Show' and 'South Park' attempted to tip the scales more towards the dumb side with this cavalcade of dummies. The show featured Dunham and his ever-present army of eclectic puppets in all sorts of real-world situations with wacky consequences, the least of which are the fact that no one questions why they are talking to a ventriloquism dummy. There isn't enough ecstasy in the world to make this show mildly amusing.

This very short-lived Kelsey Grammar sitcom became a popular catchphrase around the TV Squad offices. Not any of the show's actual lines, mind you, but the show itself. Thanks to Fozzie-wannabes like myself, it eventually became a repetitive and more annoying "go-to" punchline than an ill-timed Austin Powers impression.

Could anyone blame me? It was a completely unfunny, unimaginative and just-plain "un" everything. It attempted to become satirically relevant by kicking a former Wall Street executive down to Main Street due to corporate belt-tightening. It was so bad that Grammar actually asked that Warner Bros. put this stinky baby to bed before anyone could check its diaper. Trust me, it was LOADED.

Here's another show that remained a punchline among TV Squadders. It's too bad because the show could have used some of its own.

It attempts to turn back the clock on television by bringing another family sitcom into the television fold, but it fails on all fronts. It does what all bad shows try to do: ride the coattails of a major celebrity (in this case, former NFL defensive end Michael Strahan) in the hopes that it runs over something funny along the way. It was the television equivalent of a runaway Toyota. Only a heavy brick wall could bring it to a full and complete stop.

'Secret Girlfriend' on Comedy Central'Secret Girlfriend'
This attempt at comedy (which is even more staggering considering it was on a network the word "comedy" in its f#*&ing title) had a rather novel premise. The show's focal point made the camera the main character and therefore the viewer as its star, breaking that ever-elusive fourth wall of television in way that would make Ernie Kovacs beam with pride. Watching it, however, made you wish you can spackle it back up where it would stay hidden from the sands of time, only to be unearthed decades later by a cantankerous Geraldo Rivera.

Instead of using its new approach to story telling as a vehicle for the comedy, it relied on the three B's of sitcom standbys: boobs, boneheads and boners. The jokes (what little there were) mined every conceivable thought any writer has ever had on the odd shapes of male and female body parts. The writing was atrocious and the acting felt clownish for most clowns. The only way it would deserve a shot at a little gold statue is if the Emmys had a technical award for "Best Shot of a Female Ass."

'The Jay Leno Show'
No other controversy in recent TV history has generated as much buzz or war between two camps since the Conan O'Brien Army versus the Jay Leno militia. Even if you looked at this TV experiment gone awry without the controversy surrounding NBC's "Late Shift II: Electric Bugaloo," Jay Leno's primetime bleed-in is still just as hard to watch.

It took all of the things that make late night shows great (i.e. improvised banter, engaging discussions, comedy that's actually funny), tied them to a heavy cinder block and chucked them out of the nearest window. NBC attempted to brand it as a new, more vibrant and different kind of late night show, but the end result was an unmitigated disaster on just about every level. I'd describe it as watching a train wreck, but train wrecks usually have more eyeballs.

'Jon and Kate Plus 8''Jon and Kate Plus 8'
No other show in recent memory could generate more fodder for the tabloids than this extremely exploitative reality show that attempted to show the world the trials of family life and how eight innocent children learn to endure the raging douchebaggery of their spotlight hungry parents.

It became a reality beast that could not be fed. As rumors and confirmations of the couple's never-ending marital strife seeped their oozing tentacles into the tabloid and even mainstream media, the show mutated into a behemoth of sleaze and exploitation. It not only marked a low-point in television in general, but particularly for TLC, which presumably still stands for "The Learning Channel." The only thing anyone ever learn from this reality schlock-fest is that society has to do everything in its power to keep both Jon and Kate from procreating ever again.

'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!'
Any show that brought the likes of Heidi and Spencer Pratt into the public consciousness deserves dump truck sized loads of scorn and ridicule. So 'The Hills' may have introduced Mr. and Mrs. Super Bitch to the world, but this reality train wreck prolonged it.

It's not only just another bad 'Survivor' clone, but it's also a remake of a remake of a British TV show, so the result is a grainy carbon copy that looks like the photocopier couldn't stand looking at it long enough to properly reproduce it. It isn't just a new low for television, but for humanity. It's a good thing it ran after the world made the digital switch, so the aliens can't see how subhuman we are and find an excuse to put the rush on their world domination plans.

Speaking of funny looking people who don't look like they belong on this planet ...

'Jersey Shore'
'Jersey Shore' on MTVDavid Frost said that "Television enables you to be entertained in your home by people you wouldn't have in your home." It's hard to imagine anyone would let the cast of 'Jersey Shore' in the same state as their home.

This MTV reality H-bomb brought stereotyping and shallowness to new lows by finding the eight most obnoxious people in New Jersey and then asking them if they knew anyone more obnoxious than them to be the stars of their new reality show.

They are so ridiculous, shallow and over-the-top that they not only scream for ridicule, they seem to enjoy it, almost welcome it as if they believe their reality show spotlight will turn them into mega-mucho-superstars. It doesn't help that people actually watch it.

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"The show's focal point made the camera the main character and therefore the viewer as its star, breaking that ever-elusive fourth wall of television in way that would make Ernie Kovacs beam with pride."

Actually I think Ernie would have been sad that television has gotten to this low point. What's even more sad is that Ernie never won an Emmy!

Al Quagliata, Editor, The Ernie Kovacs Blog

June 26 2010 at 11:59 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Shows this bad don't even deserve the recognition of an article like this.

June 25 2010 at 11:57 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

With the exception of Sammi, none of the other cast members of Jersey Shore are from New Jersey. So...please don't lump everyone from New Jersey into the same category.

June 25 2010 at 11:36 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Tony DIMeo

No you idiot these shows are not up for emmys the writer was just listing shows that shouldn't be nominated

June 25 2010 at 4:44 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
John F.C. Taylor

All these shows are up for Emmys? It's no wonder why I'm watching less TV now than I used to if these are Emmy nominees.

June 24 2010 at 6:49 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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