(S03E05) "Hey Tara, watch how fast I type 'motherf***er' ... Love you!" - Franklin Mott

So it may be official: Franklin has the best one-liners.

On Tara: "She's such a f***ing disaster ... we could be twins! The attraction is e-lec-tric."

How about this precious exchange?

Tara: "We need to talk."

Franklin: "Don't say that. Women say that, everything goes black and I wake up surrounded by body parts."

That speed-texting scene is just darling. Yes, he should be evaluated for any number of psychological ... ailments ... but Franklin really provides some brash, irrational passion that makes this episode fun. Despite his treatment of Tara, his character's melodramatic behavior -- evocative of teenage infatuation -- seems whimsical in light of the heavy vampire-werewolf events that continue to transpire this season. One minute he's leaping over Tara like Quagmire and one of his interchangeable women, the next he's got his head against the wall, bawling his eyes out with vampire blood tears because he's "hurt." ("I feel like I've been staaaked!!" Wahhh!)

On the receiving end of all that crazy, Tara's wide-eyed look of continual panic while cloaked in her creepy attic gown is priceless, especially when she finds out she may not be human for much longer. If she gets out of this one unturned, the girl needs a serious vacation far away from any inkling of supernatural manipulation.

Most interesting of all the interlocking back-stories that are starting to clarify the werewolf-vampire plot is Eric's Viking revelation. Besides learning that he was always excessively amorous, even back when he was a human, we discover that he has another motivation apart from saving Pam from the magister. This ancient desire for vengeance makes Eric's character a whole lot more interesting. He's no longer just the sex-crazed V-pusher crushing on Sookie; he's got a whole new self interest. Such a detail is refreshing because many times Eric has merely seemed like an existential brooder content to laugh at suffering, his only soft spots being Sookie and Pam. Here, we get the scoop on how he dropped the ball on making his family proud and needs to make it right centuries later.

I'm looking forward to see how it plays out and if Russell will be the one to get his comeuppance if he was indeed the cloaked leader of the wolves in the flashback. Not to mention the figure responsible for unrest amongst the werewolves for a long time (made a lot longer in dog years).

Any guesses on what Crystal is? While that's unclear, it does seem as though she's taken Jason's bullet-hole PTSD away.

How about Sookie's emergence as one of the X-Men (Paquin filmography déjâ vu!), i.e., display of the power she first unwittingly exercised over Mary Ann? Glad she -- again unwittingly -- kicked it up a notch right there at the end, turning a seemingly easy abduction on its head. It's unclear whether it's a good or bad thing that the vampire king realizes Sookie is more valuable than he thought. I'm thinking it's a bad thing. Either way, Sookie's sudden defensive spark provides a nice redistribution of power since our heroine, while courageous in her actions, was simultaneously beginning to look like a bit of a shrinking violet while off in Jackson with Alcide. Not that it was her fault. While she could read minds aplenty, her hands were tied. Though she quickly apologizes soon after, it's also nice to hear her laying down the law and yelling at Alcide in the car: "I am not going to die because of your sh*tty girlfriend and a Mississippi pothole."

Especially gratifying is Bill's emergence from his carefully maintained vampire funk after learning Sookie is in Jackson. I'm hoping that concern for Sookie's safety, not jealousy regarding some alleged werewolf hook-up, is his reason for going ape. If so, did he really think telling Sookie it's over and that he was with "tiresome cow" Lorena would prevent her from trying to find him?

Poor Andy. Really, Jason, you killed a guy and never had to pay the price, and now because you want a job, the detective who took a bullet for you has to get the eye from his co-workers because they're thinking this is some stupid case of nepotism?

What's Joe Lee's deal? An angry drunk, or something more canine-related? Defeated alpha dog syndrome? At least he wears pants this time.

Talk about dog humor: "Alcide, obey!" The packmaster might be in over his furry head, but it's good he made an appearance, if only to utter that sliver of hilarity. P.S. Debbie calls Alcide the redneck??

As for cutesy exchanges that don't involve psychopaths or beings of unknown origin, Tommy's comments about Jessica are sweet. He's beginning to look like a pretty stand-up guy -- not unlike his brother -- despite his family's dysfunction. Jesus, in his spiffy purple polo shirt, provides a nice breather for Lafayette. Having been imprisoned and beat up by vampires, his mother and some scary hicks, having also tried to keep his cousin from dying at both her own hand and that of a maenad, he deserves more than just the insurance premium on a flashy car. Let's hope Tara has brighter days ahead, too.