Cesar Millan, where are you? Two celebs are in desperate need of your Dog Whispering expertise. Luke Wilson's Australian Cattle Dog has "ruined" his life, he said on the 'Late Show' (weeknights, 11:35PM ET on CBS).

The dog chewed a closed door and bit a poodle. "It was 14 years old -- the poodle -- and had its own cardiologist," said Wilson. "I'm serious -- it sounds like a Woody Allen thing, but it's true." As a consequence, the ER bill was thousands of dollars.

David Letterman said DNA testing has revealed that his dog is "part yellow lab, part Satan." The canine is "so very cute, but I mean, honest to God, I am tired of having my flesh shredded."