(Season 1, Episode 2) This week, in the house that promiscuity built, our fearless 'Bachelor Pad' contestants were forced to face pies, body painting and the separation of church and state -- or the separation of "cool kids" and "outsiders," because they're still under the illusion that they're competing on 'Big Brother'.

Two clear alliances have already formed; those who have pre-existing relationships on Planet 'Bachelor/ette' such as Elizabeth/Kovacs, and the "outsiders" who came in with no strings attached. Most of the episode was then devoted to the two groups giving each other the stink-eye and plotting how to get members of the opposing group out when it came down to the vote.

The rose competition this week was one of the grossest things ever committed to television -- the only way it could've been ickier was if the contestants were eating live tarantulas, but we all know that girls can't look hot when they have tarantula bits dripping down their cleavage, so we got pie instead.

The girls were admittedly pretty hardcore about the whole thing, while the guys were kind of prissy about getting their faces dirty -- it came down to Jake's near-misses Gia and Tenley leading the girls, with Gia stealing the win, while weatherman Jonathan proved that he's actually good at something by beating all the beefier guys.

Sucked to be Krisily, who had to bow out of the contest due to having her gall bladder removed -- though judging by the hot mess it turned out to be, I think that she was the smart one. Craig M. uttered one of the best lines of the night during the competition by declaring that his hair is "a multipurpose tool." No, Craig, you're a multipurpose tool. Someone needs to take a razor to his head in the middle of the night, that would be a contest that's worth 250 grand.

Am I the only one who finds it hilarious that after last week, ABC has foregone all pretense of referring to Jonathan as anything but "weatherman"? It even replaced his name during his video interviews. Likewise, the Jesse overload has obviously got the best of the house, since the artist formerly known as Jesse K is now officially known as "Kovacs". And poor Gwen is obviously very sensitive about her age and her scary plastic surgery, since her age is still being given as ?? -- yikes.

Jonathan's date was pretty surreal, and probably designed for one of the more musclebound guys to win, since there was a lot of rubbing going on, and all of that paint would've looked much better on the abs of Jesse, David or Kipytn, methinks. As it was, Jonathan starred in "Speedo: The Sequel" with Gwen, Peyton and Ashley, before misguidedly giving Gwen the immunity rose. For some terrifying reason, Jonathan thinks that things can "get romantic" with Gwen, but she hilariously informed the cameras that it's not going to happen "in a million years." Poor weatherman.

Gia took Wes, Craig and Jesse B. on her date, after sneakily rigging her bowl of bachelors with only Jesse's name. I like your style, Gia. Although she promised Craig the rose in order to keep him safe this week, five minutes with Wes had her singing a different tune (get it, cause Wes is a country singer? Oh, never mind).

Wes declared his love for Gia after knowing her for about four days, which is ... weird, but it had Gia convinced, because she immediately decided that all the trash talk she and the rest of America has heard about him must be wrong. Apparently, Gia makes big, manly, Texan Wes feel feelings, so he's going to serenade her with his gee-tar next week.

Gia also had Jesse renouncing his love for Natalie, even after the episode started off with some pretty hot 'n' heavy making out between them. Jesse told Gia that he had decided to come on the show for the money and "to meet you," and promised that he'd have no trouble ditching Natalie when it came time for her to go home. And I thought he was such a nice guy!

Back at the house, Elizabeth was still in full-on puppet-master mode, making threats to Kovacs and then placating him with kisses, because she is the epitome of a Nelly Furtado anthem on female empowerment. Ooor just acting like a total ho.

I found it highly amusing that David wants to get the weedy guys and the floaters out of the game so that the "big men" can "play ball", when none of the jocks have won a single contest yet -- muscles clearly aren't everything.

Fresh from his date with Gia, Jesse decided that he now couldn't trust Natalie, since she and the other guys are way too flirty. He classed himself as an outsider while calling Natalie a "cool kid" and is clearly looking to canoodle with Gia too, despite her boyfriend on the outside of the house. This, unsurprisingly, made Natalie cry, because it's the girls' favorite activity besides hot-tubbing and throwing up pie.

Gia's decision to give Wes the rose entirely ruined the outsiders' game plan, since their target, Kiptyn, managed to sway Nikki away from voting with her fellow alliance members by playing on their friendship. Because of this, we had to say a tragic farewell to Hairman and his flamboyant, open-chested shirts, woe! And even though all the guys are irritated by Krisily, Jessie and her decision to play both sides with the cool kids and the outsiders painted her as her an easy target, making the guys suspicious that she had a secret deal going with Craig.

My favorite part of the rose ceremony had to be Chris Harrison stirring the pot between Elizabeth and, well ... everyone. He singled out her relationship with Kovacs, so Elizabeth deflected by pointing out Tenley's relationship with Kiptyn. And then came the waterworks. Nice job, Harrison -- it was the most entertaining moment of the night.

What did you think of the sudden split in the house? Will the cool kids triumph, or will the outsiders be able to wrangle the power back? And on a scale from 1 to INFINITY, how excited are you for Wes to sing to Gia next week? Sound off below!

[Follow Laura on Twitter @LauinLA.]