THEY'RE ALL COMING BACK
'Red Widow' Gets The Axe
'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' - 'Reunion Part 1' Recap
by Amy Kuperinsky, posted Aug 31st 2010 9:39AM
(Season 2, Reunion Part 1) - UHHHHHHHHHHHH. No, that's not from Danielle's sex tape. It's Teresa's grunt of anger as she hurls profanities at Danielle, nearly flicking Andy Cohen off like a fly when she tries to lunge at her castmate. If she did it with a dressed table, she could do it with a lightweight Bravo host.
When she blows, she hits the ceiling. Then begs for more. Her eyes pop out as she turns into The Incredible Housewife Hulkette. Also: an author of a New York Times bestselling cookbook and mother of four known for making good pasta with ham and peas.
Apparently, as we're told and have definitely witnessed in past episodes (table-flip, country club-chase), Danielle is the only one who brings out this fearsome creature in the housewife who's normally cooing over leopard prints and custom matchy dresses for four young girls.
The minute Teresa uses Andy's 'Jersey Shore' prompt to talk about promiscuity and in doing so point a finger at Danielle, she throws down the gauntlet. She doesn't even wait to get defensive about anything Danielle might say. It seems she's already said enough this season.
Bankruptcy doesn't make Teresa angry (so she says ... ahem, Joe) but this woman does. We get it. Still doesn't make it less trainwrecky. Say Danielle was to cause for Teresa's financial troubles and Joe's accident along with Dina's departure and a supposed attempt to take the former cast member's daughter away. As Caroline rightly says, it still makes Teresa look bad to act this way.
So why does she? How to bottle in mere words the tempest "this" implies is the better question. The only answer could be that she possesses no control. Her rage reaches a point of no return before it can even be capped by the realization that Danielle's "not worth it." Hurricane Danielle? How about Apocalypse Teresa? Who can also make gravy three weeks out of the month.
Things Danielle and Teresa have in common, whether the use of "sanguiches" or their photogenic modeling children, fails to inspire any reconciliation. It's just not "therapeutical." Neither is the fact they have some "ethnenticity" in common, that they're both "woman" or probably would take the same delight in "re-renovation" if given the cash, though they both definitely used some to pay for "cleavlage." It's like Mad Libs!
Does anyone else think Andy secretly wants to get several rounds of the ham game in, like really badly?
Aannnyway. Kim G's in part 2. Think she'll reveal that Teresa gave her some pointers on how to explode for the camera?
Signs of the reunion times
"Do not break up my family, you f**king bitch ... You piece of garbage ... UHHHHHHHHHH ... " - Teresa to Danielle
"Shut your mouth. You're a piece of garbage." - Jacqueline to Danielle
"Do not speak of my sister." - Caroline to Danielle.
"You're a pig. Look at yourself. You're disgusting." - Teresa to Danielle
Andy Cohen: "The plural of woman is ..."
Danielle: "Woman."
Andy: (weirded out) ... "Women."
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