Once a year, MTV puts its reality shows on pause to play music videos. And so the music industry elite (plus Ke$ha) gathered at the 2010 Video Music Awards to sing, dance and don ridiculous-looking fashions.

Chelsea Handler, MTV's first female VMA host in 16 years (seriously, MTV?) started the night out with some advice from D.A.R.E's newest spokesperson, Lindsay Lohan. The jailbird looked haggard and hardened by the clink, but at least Larry Rudolph is already at work rehabbing her career.

Lady Gaga then took the stage with a single-family home on her head and a dove tucked in her crotch. This could've been authentic Gaga until Handler peeked out of the home's garage to start her opening monologue, which riffed on The Situation and Justin Bieber, and practically begged the audience and performers to act out, cause a ruckus and be very, very bad.

Memories of shenanigans from shows past immediately came to mind. Remember when a Rage Against the Machine member scaled the stage's scaffolding; when Lisa Marie smooched Michael Jackson on stage; when Lil' Kim let one boob hang out of her dress? This was not that show. Thanks to Kanye West, every star was on his or her very best, stick-to-the-script behavior.

Handler was giddy and game for a good time throughout the night, but most of her skits fell flat: She jumped in the hot tub with the 'Jersey Shore' cast (heels and all) and exited with a tired joke in the form of a faux baby bump. She addressed last year's West-Swift debacle by warning off stage crashers with a stupid self-defense demonstration. She filmed a running skit with Ke$ha about a VMA meet and greet. And she made an unfortunate joke about riding home on the face of the hot werewolf from 'True Blood.'

The show had the most success with its live performances, which were plentiful, visually pleasing and mostly lip-synced. Eminem, with a surprise appearance by Rihanna, opened the show with 'Not Afraid' against a backdrop of a city up in flames. RiRi wore an oversized tutu with combat boots. It was very Tinkerbell goes to war.

Then teen dream Bieber sang for a gaggle of brace-faced fans on an outdoor stage. His backup dancers were kids, some as young as seven, in letterman jackets. It was refreshing to see a teenage artist actually dressing the part.

Florence and the Machine performed a rousing version of 'Dog Days' dressed in her ethereal, indie best. Unfortunately her opening choreography resembled that Seasonique commercial where ladies on birth control do synchronized swimming.

And then it was time for Taylor Swift to sing her new song. Since no one involved with this show, including Swift herself, will let us forget last year's acceptance speech hijacking, we were forced to watch the footage yet again as it was part of her set piece. She condescendingly crooned about Kanye, "Who you are is not what you did...You're still innocent...32 and you're still growing up now." Enough already, Taylor.

Kanye's big comeback closed the show, and being the egomaniac that he is, he sang about himself: "Let's have a toast for the douche bags!" Despite the ridiculous lyrics that followed, You've got to give it up to the guy. His stripped-down performance was the best of the night. He wore a red velvet suit and the only dancers on stage were three ballerinas, perfect little ladies pirouetting before the big bad douche bag. Kanye got massive applause and a lingering chant from the crowd.

Unfortunately the presenters this year were decidedly C-list: the guys from 'Jackass,' Jared Leto channeling David Bowie, Ashley Greene from 'Twilight.' Hollywood just didn't show up for this shindig.

The winners (and their acceptance speeches) were also anticlimactic. 'Bad Romance' deservingly took home the awards for Best Female Video and Video of the Year, and Gaga accepted each award in a different outfit. The first one was a leather ballgown which she herself classified as "fashion roadkill." When she received the second award, she thanked her little monsters and announced the title of her new album, 'Born This Way.' She also sang an a cappella preview of the title track while wearing an outfit made of meat. Bieber won Best New Artist, no surprises there. And Eminem won Best Male Video and Best Hip Hop Video.

In the end, Cher in her Vintage 'Turn Back Time' electrical tape getup was the biggest surprise of the evening (but not really because she has a new movie to promote). Too bad most people watching the show probably have no knowledge of that classic piece of music video history.

So what did you think of the show? Are the VMAs still relevant? Who had the best performance? And what's the deal with Kim Kardashian's crush on the Biebs?