How to dress up like Kim Zolciak from 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' for Halloween

The Costume: The busty blonde of 'Tardy for the Party' and 'Google Me' infamy. If you've ever wanted to wear a devastating wig -- this is your chance.

What You'll Need: As young as this new season is, Zolciak is already drawing weirded-out looks and damning criticism for her beloved wigs. Whether tousled or poufed out, you need a tired, long blond wig that's less Lady Godiva than waves-gone-wrong.

Also, get your hands on a clunky, oversize, got-it-outside-K-Mart "diamond" ring that doesn't necessarily signify any forthcoming marriage. Slather some pink lip gloss on your pucker, framed by an overdrawn lip pencil. Let a bubblegum cigarette hang out of your mouth and hold a cocktail glass filled with some kind of beverage, if not actual alcohol.

Wear "disgusting" or "sick" heels at your own peril. Whether choosing a Zolciak ensemble of chesty dress or wifebeater-and-jeans, necklines must be plunging -- preferably near belt level. As Zolciak says, "I have huge knockers." Needless to say, if you are not well-endowed in the chestal area, buy some chicken-cutlet fakes. (Or perhaps flesh-colored balloons?)

Optional Accessories: A recording of 'Tardy for the Party' playing as you walk by wielding a microphone (autotuned if you've got it!). Scrawl 'Google Me' somewhere on your scant top.