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September 1, 2014

The Ultimate Halloween Costume: You, the Average TV Viewer

by Rich Keller, posted Oct 30th 2010 11:00AM
Here's the way to dress like yourself, the average TV viewerHow to dress like You, the Average Television Viewer

The Costume: You, the Average Television Viewer, who has dutifully slogged through every show on television in order to find the perfect one.

What You'll Need: Basically, whatever clothes you're wearing right now. Or perhaps you can wear a set of your favorite pajamas, since that's probably what you don when sitting down for your evening's viewings.

You can also go for the outfit that most personifies the average TV watcher: White, nacho-stained, athletic T-shirt one-size too short for your beer belly, faded jeans one size too tight, bottle or can of beer and a remote -- slightly dented from throwing it at the television screen.


Also needed is your favorite, fattening evening snack, which you shouldn't be eating because it makes you sleepy and prevents you from watching the ending of 'Hawaii Five-O' each week. You'll also want to carry around a DVR, since you end up watching all your shows in time-shifted mode.

Optional Accessories:
A variety of facial expressions...

- Happy, for when that marathon of 'Suddenly Susan' finally airs on Lifetime;
- Angry, for when your favorite show is canceled or favorite character is killed;
- Sad, for when you think of that single mother and her 27 kids on 'Extreme Makeover: Home Edition';
- Frustrated, when your DVR mysteriously deletes all of your copies of 'Co-Ed Confidential';
- Quizzical, while you try to decipher how Joss Whedon can no longer get a series to last more than two seasons.

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