'Eastbound & Down' Season 2 Finale Recap

['Eastbound & Down' - 'Chapter 13']

If there's one thing that '90s R&B sensation 'Boys II Men' taught us, it's that "it's so hard to say good-bye" -- not only to "yesterday", but to the things we love.

Having 'Eastbound & Down' back in our lives for a couple months has been blissful, but what will we take with us to be the "sunshine after the rain" of season two's end? How will we remember Kenny and the gang during our time apart until the next season starts?

'Boys II Men' taught me something else, too, that "although we've come to the end of the road, Still I can't let go." I'll cling to the greasy tendrils of Kenny's ape drape until he's back.

It's not easy sneaking an illegal alien across the border, especially in broad daylight, but of course Kenny Powers assumed he could do whatever he wants. The border patrolman was looking to do as many cavity searches as possible, and was about to tear the Denali apart, until Kenny's "celebrity" swooped in -- possibly for the first time ever -- and saved the day. As the tricked out Flama Blanca edition Denali soared down the highway spewing filth of all varieties out the windows, Kenny exclaimed, "It feels good to be breaking laws in America again!

Kenny dropped Stevie and Maria off and parted ways: Kenny to presumably violate April at his leisure, and Stevie to further indenture his new Mexican wife. Kenny almost gave Stevie some genuine thanks -- which he more than deserved -- only to ruin any true sentiment by saying, "I don't think I could have done what I did in Mexico without somebody there to do all the rest of the s@#t that needed to be done down in Mexico."

Kenny then embarked on the triumphant tour of Shelby, first heading to brother Dustin's house to see the family. Once there he proceeded to unknowingly insult everyone. Kenny's backhanded compliments are more like forehanded affronts to things like feelings, respect, and dignity. He gave everyone the Kenny Powers version of the story, light on the soul-crushing misery and cavernous loneliness, heavy on the "I conquered a Third World country." But he was not there to play patty-cake. He was there to take a dump in an American toilet.

Kenny was finally about to reclaim what was rightfully his -- to bring his life full circle and back to stasis, to once again motor-boat in the deep chasm of cleavage. And as he sauntered across the crowded lunch room tables, it was as if the very mashed potatoes and taco meat he shook from his boots were indeed all the troubles and heartache of time spent in Mexico. He declared his love for April.

Cutler intervened and took Kenny to see April, partly because he's a nice guy, but mostly to stick it to Kenny. Stick what to Kenny? Shut up, I'm getting to that part. Cutler sent Kenny into an ambush -- April pregnant, with a black real estate agent's baby, and never wanting to see Kenny again. Not exactly what Kenny expected, but he's used to that, but not with this degree of heartbreak.

Kenny ran to his jet ski, and never has a jet-ski ride been so melancholy, the kind of melancholy that leads one back to drugs and booze and your old scumbag dealer friend, Clegg. Kenny, once again, had nowhere to turn. With all signs pointing to Kenny being an a-hole, he still thought the world -- and April -- owed him something. How quickly we forget when we leave the person we love at a gas station. Dustin gave him sound advice: Go play baseball and move on.

Meanwhile, in the interest of being stereotypical, Maria's entire family basically moved into Stevie's apartment, and left him looking for any way out. Kenny's reality check marked his departure once again. He gave a regretful Stevie love advice based on his recent romantic down-turn, and bestowed his new manuscript tapes to Stevie to give to April. His swan song.

April didn't just listen to the tapes, she took them to heart. Kenny tore down the facade of "Kenny Powers, American Conquistador" and talked of a revelation, what Mexico taught him about family and his identity, and how it all started with April.

April showed up as Kenny was leaving and the boys were giving the ole jet-ski one last rub down. She knew now that Kenny was doing everything for her, however misguided he might have been, and all this led up to the predictable. The baby treading water in April's ute was most likely sprouting a mullet and giving the middle finger already, and the news had Kenny babbling incoherently.

April still wanted nothing to do with him, but a mini-Powers on the way was a game changer. The image of tears trickling down the face of Doctor C**k and Balls is one that will be difficult to swallow until the show returns, but if I have to swallow anything of Kenny's, it might as well be that.


Dr. Vaughan teaches English/Media/Humor courses at Binghamton University in upstate New York, and he's whipping up a batch of nachos. You can also check out his blog at drvtv.wordpress.com or www.facebook.com/pages/Ryan-Vaughan/21931402981