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October 9, 2015

Christmas Gifts For 6 TV Characters

by Bob Sassone, posted Dec 8th 2010 4:00PM
The MentalistIt's Christmas, that time of year when we're constantly told that it's better to give than to receive. Some people probably don't really believe that, but it is nice to go out and buy a present for a loved one, with no expectation that you're going to get something from them.

Look at it this way: if you buy someone else a gift, you'll probably get one too!

And since we consider TV characters almost like a part of our family here, we decided to find the perfect gifts to suit their personalities. Because even fictional people want to receive nice gifts this time of year.

Select Comfort1. A bed for Patrick Jane ('The Mentalist')
Ever since losing his wife and child to Red John, Jane has been sleeping on a mattress on the floor in the corner of the bedroom.

He needs a new bed for two reasons: One, he has to move on in his life and this would be a small but sure way of doing that; two, he can afford it! It has never been revealed -- as far as we remember -- what Jane earns, but he owns a classic car and wears some nice suits and never seems to worry about money, so he must make a decent living. Plus, there was that time he won a lot of money at a casino using his powers of observation.

We suggest a bed from the Select Comfort Classic Series, the kind where he can choose his own firmness number. Jane seems like someone who would sleep on his back, someone who needs a really firm mattress.

How To Find A Husband After 352. A husband for Liz Lemon ('30 Rock').
Liz just turned 40, and everyone from her parents to Jack to Jenna wonder why she doesn't find a husband already and just settle down. It didn't work out with Dennis (thank God) or Floyd or Drew or Wesley and it's probably not going to work out with Carol either, so Liz needs some help.

So for Liz, we'd buy the book 'How To Find A Husband After 35 (Using What I Learned At Harvard Business School)' by Rachel Greenwald. It's strange that Liz has such trouble finding a good man, considering she's cute and smart and works on a TV show, but if she wants to get married, this book seems like a good start.

And since it focuses on solving relationship problems from a business perspective, Jack would probably approve.

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff3. Life lessons for Michael Scott ('The Office')
Michael is not a "dumb" guy, but he is that guy who tries too hard -- the one wants to be accepted and loved by everyone. He tends to misspeak and say inaccurate things. And he's always bungling movie lines or famous quotes, too.

Yet he's the type of guy who does really well at his job -- he's made a mess of things many times, but in the end, he really does know what he's doing. but he just needs to get the little things in his life right.

So we'd get him the book 'Don't Sweat The Small Stuff' by Richard Carlson. It will help him understand why he does the things he does and give him very simple ways to make his life better. And since he'll soon be leaving Dunder-Mifflin, he's going to need all the help he can get.

There's a whole series of 'Don't Sweat' books, focusing on everything from money to health to love to raising kids. Michael needs all of them.

Lucky Strike4. A carton of cigarettes and a lighter for Roger Sterling ('Mad Men')
It would be great if someone bought Roger the Nicotine patch for Christmas, but that wasn't invented until 1990, and he doesn't seem like the type of guy who would enjoy a health club membership. Roger, after all, is a man who nearly died of a massive heart attack and still went on smoking and drinking every single day (he seems to have a cigarette and/or a drink in his hand in every scene he's in on the show).

So let's not even try to fool ourselves. Just buy him some Lucky Strikes and let him smoke.

5. A Subway gift card for everyone on 'Chuck.'

For obvious reasons.


half-shirt6. A half-shirt for The Situation ('Jersey Shore').
It must be hard to be The Situation. Every time someone wants to see his abs, he has to take the time to lift up his shirt. It must be tedious to have to do this 15 times a day.

How about a half-shirt? If he had a shirt that only came halfway down his upper body, his abs would be exposed all the time and he wouldn't have to take the time to lift his shirt all day long. He could actually multitask! While people are looking at his abs, he could be making a cup of coffee or helping earthquake victims in Chile.

Snooki, buy The Situation a half-shirt for Christmas ... please?

What could we get other TV characters for Christmas?

[Follow Bob on Twitter.]

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I think waterbeds for Michael Scott would be appropriate, too. He'd never stop talking about them. http://boydwaterbeds.com

May 18 2011 at 2:26 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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