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'Survivor: Nicaragua' Season Finale Recap

by Audrey Fine, posted Dec 20th 2010 10:30AM
Survivor Nicaragua finale['Survivor: Nicaragua', 'What About Me?']

'Survivor' adage #72: Everyone, EVERYONE looks better out in the bush than they do all tarted up in the studio. More on the reunion in a bit.

So 15 weeks in and here we are on the edges of our seats. Will the evil connivers triumph over the mellow dude or sweet swim coach? We're about to find out.

With Jane gone (at least she took it well, har) the final five are making their pleas to one another and really, I've lost all patience for it. Can't deal with looking at faker-than-fake realtor Sash and his scary smile. Can't stomach any more of Chase's idiocies and frankly, Holly's super nice and all but I'm beginning to envision Frances McDormand playing her in the movie version of this season and it's freaking me out. (Although the Coen brothers would make an interesting 'Survivor,' I'm sure.)

Happily, with three Tribals to get to in two hours they have to move on to the first Immunity Challenge. C'mon Fabio, let's just win this and go back and rest on our laurels 'till the next one. Wait, it's a puzzle. Ugh. Sash won the last puzzle. But, ha! Not this time you slippery sucker. Fab came back from a deficit and pulled out the victory. Hand over that necklace Jeff. Again.

His victory threw a wrench into the fools' alliance, and Sash and Chase started talking about what a good idea it would be to vote off Holly. Uh, not! I-don't-need-the-money-anyway-Dan was sent to Ponderosa for a short stay.

It was so entertaining to watch a post-win Fabio endeavor to keep his mouth shut at all the B.S. they flung his way. He knew better than to start getting into it with anyone at this point and remained a good sport -- all the while knowing that he'd better slam-dunk the final challenge to sew up his place in the final three.

Oh, then blah blah, they went and pay homage to all the "fallen" brothers before them. I'm getting sick of that step although some people I watched it with enjoyed that segment. Maybe I'm just jaded. Or a hardass. Or both.

The final challenge was a fair one that required zero athletic ability: just stack as many of the less-than-perfect coins onto the hilt of a sword without faltering and you win. Piece of cake. Holly slipped up first, then Chase and although the editing tried to make us think a different outcome would transpire, Sash choked and WHATDOYOUKNOW? Fabio threepeated. (We jumped for joy in my house for sure.)

Then it got fun. As king of Libertad, Fabio had a blast around camp watching the former power players trip over themselves to plead their individual cases. Good times.

The good news was that he didn't fall for any of the B.S. and realized that taking Holly to the final would be a big mistake -- it'd be much easier to beat the buffoons than her. Sorry, Holly. Go wash your poodle fro.

After gorging themselves on breakfast galore the following morning (how DO their stomachs, well, stomach that grease after being starved for so long?), the remaining three formulated their pleas for the jury. Chase: I screwed each of you, but I can explain why. Fabio: I never screwed any of you and that has to count for something. Sash: I'm so used to screwing everybody that I've lost sight of the difference.

Each former player had their say, the best being Marty, who made a complete fool of Chase without his even realizing it because, really, he IS dumber than a bag of hammers. Or box of rocks. Although a pleasantly plump Alina (who looked kinda like Lea Thompson as Marty's bloated mom) took a sudden, strange liking to Chase because he came in a changed man or some such hogwash.

Survivor finaleThen it was off to CBS Studios in Los Angeles where an almost unrecognizable Sash (he must've gained what? 50 lbs.?) flanked a shorn (but still hot) Fabio and, oh yeah, Chase was there too.

Jeff read the votes and for a scary 2.1 seconds, it looked like Fabio might, in fact, lose to CHASE. Noooooooo!!!!! But, phew, in the end, Fab pulled out a 5-4 win and pocketed the million bucks. Alina jumped up to hug him (Traitor! but, hey, can you blame her?). And he jumped out into the audience to kiss his mom, dad and younger siblings. Cute.

Hey, don't want to say I called it way back when, but, I called it way back when. Just knew that he was playing the dumb blonde card. I'm just glad that a good guy won. Let's just hope that if he comes back for an All-Stars type repeat, he is still a good guy. Right J.T.?

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Pleasingly plump? Sizeism is just as wrong as racism...don't be a hater!
And boy, does that Holly clean up nicely!

December 20 2010 at 4:03 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

What, you can sit there and make fun of someone's weight who isn't even overweight, but when someone calls you on it the post is deleted? Nice.

December 20 2010 at 3:45 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
1 reply to Mike's comment
Audrey Fine

I sure as heck didn't delete it. Thanks, as always, for your valuable insights Mike.

December 21 2010 at 11:50 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Pleasingly plump and bloated? She was like a size 4, you catty bitch. That's the last review I ever read of yours, Audrey Fine. Take your stupidity and shove off.

December 20 2010 at 3:39 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Joyce N.

Chase did play kind of dumb. Every time someone trusted him enough to tell him about their strategy, he'd run off to tell (warn?) someone else. He was wishy-washy in his decision-making and most of the time wanted someone else to make his final "decisions" for him. NOT a good player!

Sash was way too cocky even in front of the jury.

Fabio proved himself worthy by winning challenges when winning them meant EVERYTHING.

Jane was a sourpuss in the end but you can't take away the fact that she played harder than most of them. Quite the accomplishment for a woman of her years.

December 20 2010 at 1:32 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Out of the top 5, I saw it like this: Holly/Sash had the best chance of winning, Fabio was the underdog, Chase was losing ground, and Dan had no chance in hell.

I blew a sigh of relief when they ousted Dan, was bummed they were smart enough to out Holly and found myself rooting for the guy the dubbed Fabio. I don't know why there was so much angst against Chase; he was paranoid, but I don't particularly think he's dumb because of it and Sash fell into the trap of a bitter jury unwilling to see he did outwit them.

I thought the jury ended up being mostly a wash. Marty had the dumbest comment/question, really you want to use your time to ask who's the dumbest? Dan and Jane were incredibly bitter. Benry and Purple Kelly wasted everyone's time and the biggest influence on the vote I felt came from 2 jury members I wouldn't have expected. NaOnka (with her push for Fabio) and Alina (with her push for Chase).

All I can say is that for one of the most frustrating seasons of Survivor, in the end I was okay with the outcome, and happy for the winner AND the fan favorite. Plus the twist for next season has me interested, so we'll see if it plays out better than this season's Medallion of Power. Gosh, I hope so.


December 20 2010 at 12:30 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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