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October 31, 2014

Nick Offerman's Airing of Grievances for Festivus 2010

by Nick Offerman, posted Dec 23rd 2010 11:00AM
Nick Offerman[Editor's Note: We asked 'Parks & Recreation' star Nick Offerman to help us celebrate an integral part of Festivus -- the Airing of Grievances. Check out Offerman performing weekly feats of strength as Ron Swanson when 'Parks & Recreation' returns to NBC on Jan. 20 at 9:30PM. Without further ado, Nick Offerman's Airing of Grievances.]


10. "Slightly husky" is not considered more sexy.

9. My wife abjectly refuses to take up woodworking.

8. Steve Jobs hasn't come out with a device for smoking meats yet. Hickory or Apple wood apps!

7. No one has given me the opportunity to deliver Osama Bin Laden my patented Face Punch.

6. Isn't looking good for 'Sex and the City 3.'

5. Despite listing it as my height on my driver's license when I was 16, I have yet to clear 6 feet tall. I'm JUST shy. By 1 inch. And 3/8.

4. Despite my luxuriant body hair, Playgirl magazine has not contacted me regarding a hunky photo spread (see #10).

3. I had a slow year in total bacon consumption. A mere 23 1/4 lbs.

2. Starting to think I'll never be cast as a Hobbit.

1. My mustache was signed by CAA, while I remain at a smaller boutique agency.

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Robert Haynes

Did he write this in character?

http://www.OpportunityLOL.com

December 24 2010 at 2:26 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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