Grammys 2011 Show Recap: Highlights, Lowlights and Gaga
by Ryan McKee, posted Feb 14th 2011 12:15AM
This is TV Squad. We don't pretend to have a deep understanding of music and the hottest new artists. However, when the music industry decides to fill three hours of television time with their awards show, we feel an obligation to offer our opinion about it.
The performances were mostly great and the presenters were as awkward and cheesy as always. What follows is a recap from TV writer's point of view, someone who finds pleasure in watching huge television events and making snarky comments to an empty living room.
7:45 pm – Caught the end of Anderson Cooper's interview Lady Gaga on '60 Minutes.' Gaga drinks from a cup that has a loose diamond in it. When she polishes off her beverage, Cooper laughs uncomfortably and asks about the diamond. She pulls it from her lips, causing all sexual tension to be sucked from the room and surrounding area.
8:00 – Grammys begin with a montage of Aretha Franklin's performances through the years. The video doubles as a cautionary tale against a lifetime of fried food.
8:01 – Presenter L.L. Cool J says, "Aretha will always be the Queen of Soul!" The crowd cheers and camera cuts to Justin Bieber, who looks confused or disappointed he cannot be the queen of soul.
8:03 – Christina Aguilera, Martina McBride, Florence Welch, Yolanda Adams and Jennifer Hudson sing a medley of Aretha Franklin songs. We hope to catch Aguilera looking at lyrics written on her hand, but she doesn't stumble ... until the end of the song when she literally stumbles and falls.
8:21 – Oh, Train sings that song that's in all those Samsung commercials and 'CSI: NY' episodes? Good for them for winning best Pop Duo or Group, despite being old enough to date Bieber's mom.
8:22 – Ricky Martin introduces Lady Gaga while wearing tight silver pants that may have been stolen from Gaga's wardrobe.
8:23 – Gaga enters stage in egg-like pod that was probably left over from the movie set of 'Cocoon.' She sings her brand new song 'Born This Way,' which sounds like a cover of 'Express Yourself.'
8:38 – Lenny Kravitz enters dressed as a transvestite and introduces Muse. The band's lead singer, Matthew Bellamy, plays a doubleneck guitar, even though he only plays three strings.
8:52 – Singers Bruno Mars, B.o.B. and Janelle Monae perform together and completely rock the house. They get a biggest crowd response thus far, proving yet again Hollywood loves youth.
8:58 – Oh yeah, Jewel's a country singer. Woops, she just lost the best Female Country Vocal category to Miranda Lambert. Maybe she'll try Gospel next.
9:06 – We see a video from 2007 of Usher and Justin Bieber's first trip into the studio. Like any good Canadian, Bieber wears a hockey jersey.
9:10 – Jaden Smith performs on stage with Bieber. He sounds more like Kris Kross than Fresh Prince, but his dad still looks proud in the crowd.
9:14 – Muse beats Neil Young and Jeff Beck for Best Rock Album, give most awkward acceptance speech.
9:21 – Lady Gaga beats Justin Bieber for Best Pop Vocal Album. During her acceptance speech, she says Whitney Houston is her inspiration. Which means Gaga will get crazier with age.
9:30 – Bob Dylan stumbles on stage looking confused, finds microphone and isn't sure what to do with it, so he begins growling into it.
9:33 – Camera cuts to Jennifer Lopez in crowd after Bob Dylan's performance. Her bored frown says she wouldn't pass the folk legend on to Hollywood if this were 'American Idol.'
9:45 – Lady Antebellum wins Best Country Song for 'Need You Now.' It seems whichever artist performs right beforehand ends up winning the following category.
9:48 – Cee Lo Green, dressed like a cartoonish peacock, sings the version of 'F--- You' that he sung on 'Saturday Night Live,' 'Forgot You.' His all muppet band is joined by a tone-deaf muppet that looks just like Gwyneth Paltrow.
9:57 – Neal Patrick Harris introduces Katy Perry and brags about having sex with her on 'How I Met Your Mother,' which left him "more than a little confused."
9:59 – During her performance, Perry plays home video of her wedding to Russell Brand. C'mon, they can afford a professional wedding videographer.
10:12 – Seth Rogen outs Miley Cyrus for "getting high" with him "backstage." And then he does his best to sound tough while introducing Eminem's performance with Rihanna and Dr. Dre.
10:21 – Esperanza Spalding looks more surprised than Justin Bieber that she beat him for Best New Artist.
10:28 – 'Glee's' Matthew Morrison introduces the most boring and awkward performance of the show, Music Cares CEO Neil Portnow. His mission seems earnest, but he shouldn't speak in front of people.
10:35 – Mick Jagger performs immediately following the "In Memoriam," as if to say, "Look I'm still alive!"
10:47 - Barbra Streisand says, "Well if Jagger is going to perform, so am I." And she does.
10:52 - Eminem wins Best Rap Album. He looks unsure of how to hug presenter Nicki Minaj in her crazy leopard-print outfit.
10:59 - Rihanna begins her performance with Drake with long stripper-like butt swivel. Is she the only female allowed to sing on Hip hop songs anymore?
11:02 – Jennifer Lopez and Gollum from 'The Lord of the Rings' (Marc Anthony) present Record of the Year to Lady Antebellum.
11:11 – Jason Segel introduces Arcade Fire's performance, but first makes fun of Lady Gaga's outfits. How many 'HIMYM' writers did it take to write that original joke premise?
11:13 - Arcade Fire sounds great, but cannot watch due to super intense strobe lights and the fact it's being recorded by a video camera mounted on a bicycle. The performance should have been accompanied by a warning for those with epilepsy.
11:23 – Barbra Streisand awards Album of the Year to, 'The Suburbs?' Everyone cheers when they figure out she's talking about Arcade Fire's album name.
11:24 – Instead of an awkward acceptance speech, Arcade Fire plays another song, "Because we like music," lead singer Win Butler said.
Tell us: What did you think of the Grammys 2011 ceremony?
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