'The Real Housewives of Miami' Season 1, Epsiode 1 (Series Premiere)

['The Real Housewives of Miami' - 'Paradise Cost']

We're obviously still at the point where everything is hunky-dory because it's the first "intro" episode and extra sunny because it's Miami and all. No reason to expect more than shots of people in cut-off shorts, boats on sparkling water and people with eternally beach-ready bodies. At least, not yet.

The most dramatic moment we got -- notwithstanding Adriana's ex-husband story -- centered on a pepper being grated ...

So let's go through the roster.




Larsa Pippen

The supermom of four who looks like she had about zero kids. She also showed us she's a pretty good shot. This information will probably not come into play in future episodes. Her life looks too serene. Her and Scottie Pippen's backyard also looks pretty fun. Seems the most chilled and happiest so far, maybe because she's actually, so far as we know, still happily married.

Alexia Echevarria

People call her the "Cuban Barbie," she says, her look part of what earned her a spot on Andy Cohen's spectrum of Charos. Hardly looks 40 and she's older. Has at least one would-be model (aesthetically, not behavior-wise) child. Her look is striking. She's kinda got competing brunette and blonde vibes, and not because she needs to get her roots done (she doesn't and she's actually a natural redhead, Cohen tells us). Have all of these people modeled at some point??

Cristy Rice

Looks about 18. Starting to think this is 'The Real Miss Universes of Miami,' as per Alexia's comment. Seems Cristy is, so far, one of the 'wives who hasn't allowed, or been given permission for, her children to be part of the show. Taking her camera asides into consideration, is anyone else sensing impending beef between her and at least one of the other wives?

Lea Black

The "people collector" from Texas is our first clear host, a person the other ladies -- both younger and (at least at first) happy to receive her invitations -- call a leader in the pack. If we've learned anything from housewives in past series, it's that strong personalities, well-meaning or not, spell trouble. Which doesn't always have to mean they cause the trouble, but that other people have a problem with them. Not to say they're not entertaining.

Adriana De Moura

Another person who doesn't look like she's ever given birth and yes, is a bit boy-crazy. Is that guy her boyfriend, fiancé, or neither? Probably a fun mom, she doesn't exactly commit on the level of the ham game à la the younger Manzos of 'RHONJ', but she's almost there, willing to play, not discourage, a game of food-catch with her son. So we'll give her points for that. Her soap-opera husband horror story, all hurricaney and dark, had to make for a convincing casting interview right there. Plus, there's that whole "I slept on the floor of my art gallery" thing.

Marysol Patton

Heading up a PR firm is all well and good. There's the younger French boyfriend, too, but her mom is the real star so far. Talking about trapping men, not being a Victorian lady and doing it all with that winning accent. We've got to see more of her. The Bravo crew wouldn't let her out of sight, surely. Then again, she probably already knew all that when she likely urged her daughter to sign up for this show, being clairvoyant and all. Not too hard to see a direct resemblance in the lip region.

'The Real Housewives of Miami' airs Tuesdays, 10PM ET on Bravo.