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September 2, 2014

Chuck Lorre's Latest Vanity Card: 'I've Been Going Through a Tough Time Recently'

by Jean Bentley, posted Apr 1st 2011 10:30AM
Chuck LorreChuck Lorre has mostly remained silent throughout these past few Charlie Sheen–filled weeks. But last night the 'Two and a Half Men' creator took to his post-'Big Bang Theory' vanity card to share a few words on the Sheen situation.

"I've been going through a tough time recently," he wrote, before dropping some torpedoes of truth about how the sayings people use to comfort you during tough times don't really work for him. More realistically, he'd prefer something like "your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time."

Lorre last spoke out via vanity card on March 1, when he wrote "I am so outta here!" Two weeks before that -- before the Sheen lawsuit -- he wrote, "If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed."

Check out the full text of last night's card after the jump.

Whenever I've gone through tough times, well-meaning people have told me that God/the universe does not give us more than we can handle. Well, I've been going through a tough time recently, and sure enough, that old saying has been tossed my way on several morose occasions. After some careful consideration, I've decided it's bull$#*!. As an aphorism, it only makes sense in hindsight - after you've managed to crawl from the wreckage of whatever calamity that God/the universe decided to toss your way. No one ever uses it to comfort someone who's been hit by a bus or turned into a puddle of goo by flesh-eating bacteria (although in the right circumstance, that could be a hoot). Another thing I hear a lot is, "this too shall pass." Again, I know these are words meant to reassure, but somehow they always leave me feeling that heartbreak, rage and grief are going to come shooting out of me like kidney stones through an inflamed urethra. For someone in crisis, I think a more accurate and helpful assessment of reality would be, "Love, sex, food, friendship, art, play, beauty and the simple pleasure of a cup of tea are all well and good, but never forget that God/the universe is determined to kill you by whatever means necessary." Consider trying that next time you're called on to do some consoling. If you're feeling impish, you might also try, "According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you're having your gangrenous leg sawed off, watching your home burn down or learning how to be intimate with your cellmate, but, in the big scheme of things, soon."

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