'American Idol:' The Top 8 Goes to the Movies Recap

It was "songs from the movies" night on 'American Idol' and who doesn't love movies? I know I do. Except those really cheesy, predictable romantic comedies that are supposed to make you feel good when they're really just soulless pieces of fluff with no real substance or meaning. You know, kinda like the judges' comments tonight.

As I go through each performance from the Top 8, I'll touch on what the judges had to say, but I can summarize it all right here, if you're in a hurry:

"You were great!" "That was beautiful!" "(Insert name here) is in it to win!" "You slayed it!" "It's like I'm at a (insert name here) concert!" "(Insert name here) is back!" "I loved it!" "You're a true artist!"

For those of who insist on a more in-depth look at tonight's lackluster proceedings, read on.

Before I begin, it's necessary that I remind you that Jennifer Lopez is The Most Beautiful Woman in the World. Nope, it's not your mom, your sister or your girlfriend, it's Jennifer Lopez. Accept it and move on.

Up first was Paul McDonald with a new rosy suit for a performance of Bob Seger's 'Old Time Rock n' Roll' from 'Risky Business.' Paul wanted to "leave America happy" with the song he chose, but again, his vocals were too small for the song. Paul's got a great sound, but it's best left to song's specifically tailored to his voice. But apparently, I'm crazy, because Randy said it was like being at a "Paul McDonald" concert, J.Lo said Paul "is more polished each week" and Steven loved his "wild, crazy abandon."

Lauren Alaina was up next with the umpteenth version of Miley Cyrus' 'The Climb.' Jimmy Iovine told Lauren she's a better singer than Miley, which nearly shattered Lauren's grip on reality. Lauren may be a better singer than Miley, but she's definitely not a better actress. No way.

Aside from telling Lauren to "bury Miley" with her performance, he also encouraged her to pick at the rotting remains of Pia Toscano's fan base and steal her votes. But I thought Pia Toscano had no fans, which is why she got cut last week. This show is so confusing.

Her performance was fine but I don't think Lauren Alaina will be ruling the Disney tween empire, anytime soon. J.Lo said she sang the song beautifully and doesn't need to steal anyone's vote, Randy said the "Lauren Alaina from Nashville" came roaring back and Steven was "moved beyond tears." Really, Steven? Really?

Next up, bottom three poster boy Stefano Langone, with perhaps the worst possible song choice in Boys II Men's 'End of the Road' from 'Boomerang.' Though Stefano has range, his vocals on this '90s classic sounded strained and thin. But again, I'm no judge.

Randy Jackson, on the other hand, said it was Stefano's best performance on the 'Idol' stage to date. J.Lo said he's no longer singing for the save but singing to win and Steven said he knows how to milk a song. Cheese is made with milk, right?

Probably the biggest disappointment of the night, for me at least, came from Scotty McCreery who passed on Nilsson's 'Everybody's Talkin' for the more contemporary (and country) George Strait tune, 'I Cross My Heart,' off the 'Pure Country' soundtrack. After last week's Elvis number, this felt a bit generic, safe and sound-a-like. Steven said Scotty got it "just right," while all J.Lo wanted to say was "wow," but mustered up a minor piece of criticism for the song choice. And Randy heralded the birth of a star on the 'Idol' stage. Yes, Scotty McCreery is the next Barbara Streisand.

Another 'Idol' who labored over song choice, Casey Abrams, took to the stage next. After wavering back and forth, Abrams finally settled on Nat King Cole's 'Nature Boy.' His other choice, Phil Collins' 'In the Air Tonight,' might have been more interesting, though perhaps a bit dark for 'Idol' fans.

The jazzy performance had a very beatnik feel to it, which Randy seemed OK with, as 'Idol' is now all about letting artists "be themselves," "educating" people, "embracing yourself" and all that other post-Simon Kumbaya nonsense.

Yes, the performance was good, but not worthy of bringing all three judges to their feet. "The world cannot live on pop stars alone" said Randy. No need to worry, dawg -- at the rate things are going, 'American Idol' won't be producing any this season.

Haley Reinhart followed Casey with Blondie's "'Call Me,' an ostensibly good choice for her voice. However, Haley managed to draw out the only real criticism of the night from Randy, who said the performance felt a bit "karaoke" and wasn't a good "showcase" for her voice. Steven agreed with Randy, although he did appreciate Haley's vocals on the chorus -- and "that thing you're wearing."

Jimmy Iovine gave Jacob Lusk some sage advice regarding his "preaching" to America last week and also slammed the breaks on what would have been an agonizing performance of 'The Impossible Dream.' It seems "corny" isn't in Jacob's vocabulary.

Instead, Jacob put in a solid performance of Simon and Garfunkel's 'Bridge Over Troubled Water.' I still wish Jacob would lay off the inspirational crack. Steven called it "angelic" while J.Lo labeled Jacob "a gifted vocalist," and Randy repeated the word "perfect," over and over and over again.

Finally, James Durbin not only got to close out the night, he also had the advantage of performing with guitar virtuoso Zakk Wylde for another rock blow out. This time, James went with the titular song from the animated film, 'Heavy Metal.' It was another big performance from James, but it didn't showcase anything new from the rocker.

In fact, Jimmy Iovine tried to steer Durbin away from the tune. J.Lo said it felt "really, really, real," proclaiming James the first potential "heavy metal 'Idol' and Randy said it was like "a James Durbin concert."

Honestly, the judging was so painful tonight, it was almost hard to appreciate the performances. I think Paul is headed back to Nashville but Jacob could be on his way home, just as easily. Stefano is probably safe from the bottom three, for now, so Haley could take that third seat, but a girl won't go home, just yet.

Here's a few more random observations on the evening:

-- Lauren Alaina wore black after telling Gwen Stefani she doesn't like dark colors?!

-- Haley Reinhart gets two-bit backup singers and James Durbin gets Zakk Wylde? Not fair.

-- Jimmy Iovine was the only person, (and will.i.am, to some extent) to offer the contestants any real advice/criticism. J.Lo, Randy and Steven acted like fans who paid to be there.

-- Randy felt like he was at a James Durbin concert. Wait, I thought this was a Paul McDonald concert. Confused again.

-- Casey Abrams looks better and better, the more hair he takes off his face.

-- J.Lo tells Jacob he's a "gifted vocalist." Well, duh. Isn't being an excellent singer the price of admission to the Top 8? The standards have seriously taken a nose dive if that's all it takes.

Alright, there's movie night for you. Kinda wish I waited for it to come out on DVD, if you know what I mean. Let me know your thoughts in the comments, vote in the poll and check out the Idols should have sang tonight!

'American Idol' airs Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8PM ET on Fox.