Snooki may have enough fans to make 'Jersey Shore' a hit, to write a bestselling book, and to get paid handsomely for speaking engagements, but Anderson Cooper does not count himself among her followers. Last night on 'Anderson Cooper 360' (weekdays, 9PM on CNN), Cooper laid out a laundry list of reasons why Snooki has him hot and bothered in his "Ridiculist."

"I'm telling you, Snooki is one impossibly lucky, unusually spunky, freakishly tanned, beer-guzzling, juicehead hugging, muscle-loving, Botero bodied, pint-sized money-making-machine," he said. Cooper was fired up about the news that Snooki and her 'Jersey Shore' castmates are getting a raise that would give them $100,000 per episode. "If you listen closely, you can hear school teachers around the country weeping right now," he said.

Cooper also noted that Snooki earned several thousand dollars more than Toni Morrison from Rutgers, who hired both for speaking engagements, comparing Morrison's philosophical prose to Snooki's statements about juiceheads getting "nut shrinkage and bacne." Hey, it's all knowledge at some level, Anderson.