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October 9, 2015

The Most Memorable Suitors From 'The Bachelorette' Season 7 Premiere

by Lincee Ray, posted May 24th 2011 12:00PM
Hello readers! It's your favorite Bachelor blogger Lincee Ray of www.iHateGreenBeans.com.

It's good to be back on AOL TV this season providing informative Top 5 moments each week as Ashley vies for the affection of one mama's boy, a gaggle of fraternity brothers, three Josh Groban look-a-likes, one confused thespian and a handful of blonds with pretty teeth.

The Bachelorette is back!
I have one word that describes last night's episode ... special.

As always, I have taken great pride and tremendous effort to narrow down from 25 men to the top five guys that made a significant first impression, and I'd like to present them to you in playlist form.

Track 1
Theme From 'The Phantom of the Opera
No, Jeff was not having an identity crisis. Jeff is straight up crazy. And what better way to fly your freak flag than to wear a mask on national television as you try to mentally block out everyone at the cocktail party who is calling you Batman to your face. This poor guy said that he didn't want to be judged on his looks, so he decided to cover his face. And by "face" I mean the surface area around his eyeballs and the bridge of his nose. He spent most of the night wandering around trying to locate a chandelier. No such luck in that department, but the dude DID land a rose. Score.

Track 2
Any song from Taylor Swift's repertoire

Ryan P. is enthusiastic to say the least. He thinks Ashley hung the moon and he will stop at nothing to tell her at least 12 times. And if she can't figure it out from his verbal cues, Ryan P. decides to stand on the top of his solar-powered office building facing due west and rise his arms above his head making the perfect heart hand gesture, a la Taylor Swift in every concert she's ever given. That's true love. It even landed him the first impression rose. You have my permission to be physically ill now.

Track 3
'Tipsy,' J-Kwon

Tim's my boy. Home slice was drunk when he exited the limo and his brain refused to connect with his vocal cords, leaving him a bumbling, stumbling idiot in the freshly sprayed driveway. His inebriated state made him super paranoid and freaked out that a masked man was watching him from the balcony. Later, when his head became so heavy that his neck was no longer able to hold it up, Tim decided to take a little cat nap on the wicker furniture out by the pool. Lo and behold, Ashley sends two of the fraternity brothers and one of the Grobans out to pick him up and haul him to the rejection sedan. I think she should have given him a chance to show her what he's got when he's sober, but that's just me.

Track 4
'Creep,' Radiohead

Bentley straight up admits that he is not attracted to Ashley and wishes that the Bachelorette had been Emily. However, since he's here, he'll go ahead and make his move because he is super competitive. The best part is that someone called Ashley before the show and told her Bentley was not there for the right reasons. Ashley is a bit irritated that Bentley is sooooo cute and it's going to be sooooo hard to hate him. Why couldn't he be the one wearing a Princess Bride mask? Life is so unfair.

Track 5
'Mama Said,' The Shirelles

I can see it now. Matt begs the producers to PLEASE let him take his cell phone into the cocktail party because he REALLY wants to call his Mama and introduce her to Ashley. The producers look at each other, smile and put his name down in the category with Drunk Guy and Bruce Wayne, thrilled that the crazies are coming out to play on the first night. It's times like this when I really miss Roberto.

Lincee works in the oil and gas business in Houston, Texas. She has been recapping 'The Bachelor' for seven years. In her spare time she enjoys frolicking on the beach in her bikini and drinking Dr Pepper. To read her entire season seven recap, go to www.iHateGreenBeans.com.

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This show is going down hill fast !!!!

June 07 2011 at 9:30 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I just read your recaps..and spare myself fast forwarding thru the sad sad show. Your recaps are hilarious!

May 24 2011 at 4:27 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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