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October 7, 2015

'The Bachelorette' Season 7, Episode 2 Recap

by Laura Prudom, posted May 31st 2011 4:40AM
Ashley Herbert['The Bachelorette' - 'Season 7, Episode 2']

Paging Kasey Kahl -- we think that Ashley is in serious need of a man who wants to guard and protect her heart, because evil Bentley looks set to sweep her off her feet and straight into the fireplace, and right now, it seems like she's utterly oblivious (or desperate for a ratings boost).

As we reached "Week Two" in 'Bachelorette' land, it soon became apparent that the boys were no longer on their best behavior (if they ever were) and the testosterone poisoning was starting to rear its shaggy, artfully styled head.

Ignoring the fact that Bentley looks like the soulless, perfectly coiffed spawn of Spencer Pratt and Matthew McConaughey, and that "Phantom of the Bachelor Pad" Jeff was lurking in dark corners and stealthily vacuuming, the rest of Ashley's suitors were wasting no time in getting catty, proving that you're never too manly for metaphorical hair pulling.

William endeared himself to approximately no-one (except the chick he's trying to endear himself to, apparently) by coming home from his swanky wedding date and proceeding to brag about it to anyone who would listen, and then he made himself public enemy number one by daring to converse with Ashley at the cocktail party even though he'd already won a rose. The rogue!

After last week, I'll admit, I was firmly on the Will wagon -- he's got that Armie Hammer hot-preppy look going for him and, as with all our favorite bachelors, he comes complete with his own Tragic Past (helicopter sold separately). It was clear that he and Ashley had a lot in common with fathers who both struggled with alcoholism, and Ashley was visibly touched by the story of his stopped watch.

I'm not gonna lie, dinner on the Bellagio Fountain lake was a pretty neat idea (fireworks are so passé) even if the producers obviously had to accost random bystanders and bribe them into pretending they cared about Ashley or knew who she was. Let's face it: No-one who actually watched Brad's season really "loved" Ashley, right? She was always too shrill and tearful for my tastes. I like them embalmy and tearful, like Shawntel. (All Bachelorettes are some variation of tearful, it's a contractual obligation.)

Still, William and Ashley's date was pretty much the weirdest thing ever, no? Were they playing marriage chicken with each other? Clearly, William won that test, and I can't deny that spending a date eating cake is probably my idea of a good time, but the whole concept was fairly surreal, and William looked so bewildered by the whole thing that I didn't really buy his insistence that it was the most romantic date he'd ever been on.

The group date certainly wasn't built for romance so much as public humiliation, as our Bachelorette made her monkeys dance for our amusement, before sending the losing team back to LA and relegating the "winners" to the back of a Jabberwockeez performance where the task was to make themselves look as invisible and inoffensive as possible. But Ashley got to wear another tank top that showed off her abs, and that's what counts.

Later, Ashley defied sanity and good taste by giving bastardly Bentley the group date rose, mostly to make up for huwting his feewings when she gave him the last rose at the elimination ceremony. Of course, Bentley doesn't really have feelings, and this is all some elaborate scheme to prove that he's winning, or something. I can't quite decide if the guy is an evil genius who is so contemptuous of the whole 'Bachelorette' concept that he's determined to compete just to make a mockery of it (if so, mission accomplished) or if he's just evil and wants to win to make himself look cool (if so, mission failed).

Similarly, I can't tell if Ashley is really, genuinely falling for his smarmy shtick or if she just knows that his betrayal and her subsequent meltdown will generate conversation and speculation just like this sentence (damn, I'm playing right into her hands!) -- either way, I have no interest in watching her make gooey eyes at such an unrepentant sleazeball, all the while protesting that she's an excellent judge of character and that she senses Bentley's sincerity.

Ashley also brought Mickey along (sorry, J.P.) on a low-key coin-flipping date, and he revealed his own Tragic Past (TM) and the loss of his mother, which only strengthened the connection between them. Ashley spent a lot of time gushing about how gorgeous Mickey is, and I'm inclined to agree with her assessment -- she seems to have gotten more than her fair share of hotties this season, and I ain't mad about it.

In other news, creepy Jeff almost took his mask off, but was interrupted by another nosy suitor. So. Close.

I'm mostly just amused that the rest of the guys seem determined to act like they have no idea what Jeff looks like, as if he's actually wearing a balaclava and not just a bizarrely thick (and rubber looking) adornment around his eyes. You can still see 80 percent of his face, guys, he's not actually that mysterious! Just really, really odd. But hey, he keeps the house tidy, so why not let him stick around?

We saw three more prospective soulmates kicked to the curb tonight: Matt with the weird eyebrows and the penchant for calling his mother at inappropriate moments, Stephen the hairstylist with the fairly tragic hair, and cute Ryan M. with a taste for pastel shirts. Alas, we hardly knew ye.

Next week, the Bentley drama allegedly comes to a head -- and not a moment too soon.

'The Bachelorette' airs Mondays at 8PM ET on ABC.

Follow Laura on Twitter: @LauinLA

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October 24 2011 at 2:27 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I thought the premise of the show is for the girl or guy to find true love and for them to NOT tell Ashley about Bentley is ridiculous and goes against what the show is about. If the producers know what a jerk he is they have a duty to warn her in my opinion even if he may make the ratings higher. It almost makes her look like an idiot and I don't think that was the intention.

May 31 2011 at 8:32 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

This is so obviously planned for ratings--even if Ashley was completely in the dark, the producers are clearly milking it. And really, wasn't this bound to happen at some point--a guy who blatantly is not into her? (The Bachelorette, any Bachelorette) With all the smarmy guys in the past , and even the nice guys, saying "I'm just here for her" there had to eventually be a guy who who just wanted to get his 15 minutes (and no doubt there will be extensions on that) by playing the total douche. Add in the masked guy (again, a producer choice) and you have hilarity. Anyone who thinks anyone on here is getting love and marriage out of this farce is either 13 or stupid.

May 31 2011 at 8:09 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

this show is so scripted now - and if the producers were that concerned about Bentley they would send him home
I think he is a jerk but personally I laughed every time he spoke, the fact that the producers allowed this shows it is scripted to get viewers "interested" - I wonder how much they paid these guys to make complete fools of themselves

May 31 2011 at 7:38 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Debra Johnson

I'm DONE after this last episode between her keeping ZORRO and the twit Bentley, SO PREDICTABLE, I will tune out forever more!! You can write the script unless you're 5 years old and live under a rock. The Bachelors and Bachelorettes always keep the idiot/troublemakers/oddballs around for about 6 episodes too many to keep viewers watching....but this backfired in this case because everyone I know is DONE watching!

May 31 2011 at 7:11 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

This show is a joke, when the moron was going to take his mask off and then the other ******* came down the stairs to Interrupt them, she jumped right up without even excusing herself from zorro, how rehersed was that, so if the producers think that people are gonna watch this show to see when he take's his stupid mask off they are mistaken needless to say I am done watching this bunch of mule's.

May 31 2011 at 6:57 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I do not understand why the Bachelor/Bachelorette shows are still being aired. They ran their course years ago. I do not watch either of them anymore but wish they didn't take up the air space so that new shows could be aired.

May 31 2011 at 6:57 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

This girl is so pathetic and so all about looks, she is going to get what she deserves. Bentley is a dog, but everyone knows the bad boy always gets his way and wins. Why can't these people learn their lesson? Time after time the
jerk stays on (boys and girls) and the nice guy (gal) finishes last. Wake up and smell the coffee!

May 31 2011 at 6:57 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply


May 31 2011 at 6:46 PM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply

Just awful ,, typical male ,, he puts up a good show doesnt he ..

May 31 2011 at 6:28 PM Report abuse +1 rate up rate down Reply

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