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'The Bachelorette': Top 5 Can't-Believe-This-Season Moments

by AOL TV Staff, posted Jun 7th 2011 8:00AM
Welcome back, 'Bachelorette' fans! Last night's episode was full of wacky flash mob dancing, betrayal, tears, running mascara, snotty Kleenex and flannel pajamas. And then there was the stupid roast.

AOL TV has generously asked me, Lincee Ray, back to share an original Top 5 list from various moments of the night.

'The Bachelorette' roast

It is without further ado that I present to you: TOP FIVE "I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT THIS WHILE RECAPPING 'THE BACHELORETTE'" MOMENTS!

And yes, Bentley is given his fair due here ...

1. Boob Count
Ashley took a group of suitors to a comedy club in which she was the recipient of a roast. Even my dumbest friends would know to tread lightly on this minefield of a date. But no. One dude called her Brad Womack's sloppy seconds and William said he had hoped the next Bachelorette would have been Emily or Chantal. Brutal. But the random part was how many times the guys commented on the fact that Ashley didn't have any boobs. More than one mentioned her boobs. Or lack of boobage. In fact, the word "boobs" was spoken aloud no more than 37 times. I think that's a prime time record -- ABC must be so proud. It was nothing but boobs over and over again, which just shed more light on the non-existent boobs. There may have been one or two "flat chests," but there was nary a "breast." Only "boobs." I thought for sure someone would mention the fact that she's a pocket person and can barely see over the wheel of her sports car, but no. Boobs, boobs, boobs.

2. The Great Reveal
For two weeks, we've been challenged to come up with names for our masked friend. Zorro, Batman, The Hamburglar and my personal favorite ... the Dread Pirate Roberts. ABC was really pushing the Phantom theme last night and insisted the Lone Ranger stand on balconies overlooking the freshly washed driveway. Chilling pipe organ music always accompanied him as he confesses to the camera that today the mask will come off. FINALLY! I've been dying to see what the bridge of his nose looks like! In a dramatic moment of anticipation, the crack pot crew decides to share footage of a falcon and a squirrel eating a cracker. Either I'm an idiot and don't get the symbolism or someone in the editing department has been smoking doobies in his spare time. Regardless, the mask is flung off and the resident dork chooses this chachtastic line: "Hi. I'm Jeff. It's nice to finally meet you." Where's a falling chandelier when I need one?

Ashley & Bentley3. Make the Check Out To Bentley
I can only imagine that Ashley was forced to crawl back under that purple comforter when facing her now fiancé after trying to explain that she really didn't want to run away with Bentley to Salt Lake City when he came to publicly humiliate her on national television. I wonder how she explained the total melt down devastation that occurred when she realized our resident villain would not be her final beau at the end of this amazing journey. Let's go ahead and start a petition to ABC to triple whatever stipend he received in hopes that he will be a guest on After the Final Rose. I'm sure his hair will look good if he has the stones to show up.

4. Let's Get Comfy!
Question:
Where did JP get the flannel pajama bottoms?
From the Old Navy sale bin
He came prepared and wore them under his jeans
Thank goodness for the ABC intern ... too bad they are three sizes too small.

5. Our Host Chris Harrison
When Ashley symbolically folded down Bentley's picture at the photo bureau sponsored by Pier One, Harrison knew he was in for a production halt. He waltzed in, told our Bachelorette to SUCK IT UP because A) she had been warned about this d-bag, and B) she had known him for a total of five seconds and couldn't possibly be in love. After giving her a few moments to re-attach her false eyelashes, he shoves her into the rose room and demands she gives the Grobans, William and that mute from Texas a shot.

Until next week, I'm all about the shame, not the fame ...

Lincee Ray works in the oil and gas business in Houston, Texas. She has been recapping The Bachelor for seven years. In her spare time she enjoys frolicking on the beach in her bikini and drinking Dr Pepper. To read her entire season seven recap, go to www.iHateGreenBeans.com.

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cdw62179

that was a spot-on recap and so funny!

June 09 2011 at 9:07 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
I Do Already

My husband watched his first and last episode of the Bachelorette last night. The recap. http://tinyurl.com/437le7m

June 07 2011 at 11:34 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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