Powered by i.TV
October 21, 2014

'The Bachelorette': Top 5 Reasons This Show Makes Us Want a Concussion

by Lincee Ray, posted Jun 21st 2011 1:30AM
This just in: Ashley is trying to make the 'Flashdance' off-the-shoulder tops from the '80s the fashion signature of her season. Oh, and she can't stop thinking about Bentley.

Even boxing, 'The Bachelorette' is a bore

Other than that, there's really not much to report from this week's episode of 'The Bachelorette.' Or this whole season of 'The Bachelorette'! The guys are boring, Ashley's boring, it's all just boring us to tears.

But I am a professional. I will not let a blah episode keep me, Lincee Ray, from contributing a Top 5 list to AOL TV. So, it is with great pleasure that I give you:

The Top 5 Reasons A Concussion Would Have Helped
While Watching Last Night's Episode!


1. Ashley invites one of the Grobans to join her shopping in a Thai market for silk kimonos, gnawing unidentified meat on a skewer and painting fish and smiley faces on paper umbrellas. Then she forces the viewing audience to participate in the most awkward display of sexual tension in the history of television. The dizziness of a concussion would have been more exhilarating than any moment of this date. Groban was weak and did not raise me up in any way.

2. Our Bachelorette also believes in the age old tradition of mortal combat and forces our Bachelors into a ring where they will fight each other for the love and affection of a girl who isn't really into any of them, but looks great in a sports bra. Poor Ames is left to wear hot pink boxing gloves and proceeds to get the crap beaten out of him by the annoying Ryan. He takes it all in stride while remaining a perfect gentleman. If I had a concussion, at least I would have been able to ride with Ames to the hospital and probably had a meaningful conversation about Harvard business ethics and a quick tutorial on some Thai phrases that may come in handy during my stay.

Watch the best moments from this season
of 'The Bachelorette' here:


3. Flash Mob Ben C. and William were chosen to duke it out in the Thunderdome on the dreaded two-on-one date. A concussion would have come in handy as I watched this date because I could have settled into a temporary loss of consciousness as Ashley gives her old dancing partner the boot after believing William's story on how Ben C. was only there to get future dates on Match.com. Or something like that. I was confused because we were privy to about two minutes of the accusation and Ashley flies off the handle and sends Flash Mob home on a raft straight out of a Huck Finn novel.

4. According to WebMD, concussions make you nauseous and often result in throwing up. I confess right now that after the 36th time that Ashley mentioned liking, missing or not being over Bentley, I felt like puking and often found peace in the dull headache I received as a result from all of the whining.

5. This episode in general was a great big snooze fest. I think counting the stars swimming above my head after a concussion would have been more fun than sitting through unoriginal dates, pointless cage fighting, river rafting and rose burning. Let's face it ... Ashley herself looked bored, distracted or flat-out drunk most of the time. Even she was probably wishing for someone to knock her out of her misery.

Lincee Ray works in the oil and gas business in Houston, Texas. She has been recapping The Bachelor for seven years. In her spare time she enjoys frolicking on the beach in her bikini and drinking Dr Pepper. To read her entire season seven recap, go to www.iHateGreenBeans.com.

Add a Comment

*0 / 3000 Character Maximum

5 Comments

Filter by:
Stacy

I am so disgusted that they made this insecure and immature girl the bachelorette. This show is a big looser! I have never felt like this about any one of the bachelor, bachelorette or bachelor pad shows. I wish this was over and we could go straight to bachelor pad ll it sounds like it has a great group. I don't have a clue what Fleiss was thinking when he asked Ashley when there were some really amazing women on that show. It is too bad that no one knew that Brad was going to be a looser once again. After having two terrible shows one after another someone had better get their act together or no more bachelor series shows. I can't believe that Ashley is engaged and happy. I can't imagine how that happened.. I can't imagine who she is with. Please please take more time to choose the next bachelorettes and bachelors. No more BRAD!!!!

June 25 2011 at 9:18 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
gama5kids

The first mistake was having Ashley as the Bachelorette! If she couldn't hold a normal conversation the first time around, what made you think we would want to sit through a whole season of her??? I've watched every season since the show has been on, and my suggestion would be ........let Ashley have Bentley and fill in the time slot with some reruns or anything else you can think of, before you lose even more viewers! This girl can't be helped!

June 22 2011 at 1:41 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
jen

I really and truly had a concussion while watching this show and it wasn't any better. Sorry to disappoint. The only thing that will make this season tolerable is when it ends!

June 22 2011 at 12:29 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Kara

This whole season is awful. Her dates are tragic, she always ends up feeling like garbage and I just wish that Chris would let her see Bentley's footage. The only reason she can't stop thinking about him is because she was warned about him. She had time before the show to see what he looked like, fantasize about what he may really be like, and I'm sure it was the only thing on her mind before they began filming. She obviously has a pension for drama. Just a bit desperate to fall for the corny lines that man fed her. His whole demeanor skeeves me out. Ick.

June 21 2011 at 3:11 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Mikerat42

She is dumber than a bag of hammers. This show is VERY dull...

June 21 2011 at 2:43 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
krywns

OK now, Ashley really needs to stop about this Bentley thing. This has to be the worst season ever. She was warned about him and chose not to listen and now she's in a pickle. Get over him. In the end, the guy she does pick will always think that he was second fiddle. Not good. Also, the boxing thing last night was uncalled for. These men did not sign up for this show to get the snow beat out of them. What were the producers thinking. I wonder if Ashley had any input into what challenges were given. If she was the one with the idea to box, then she really has a problem. I was disgusted about the whole fighting thing and it wasn't entertainment to me. What man wants to be in pain and then try to be cool and collective to win the girl. Bad season. Ashley is real boring. She doesn't have the common sence to see some real great men right under her nose. I don't think she deserves any of them now.

June 21 2011 at 10:45 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
elle mckey

i can't stand this girl!!! run away guys...RUN FAR AWAY!

June 21 2011 at 9:02 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Follow Us

From Our Partners