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'The Bachelorette': Top 5 Reasons This Show Makes Us Want a Concussion
by Lincee Ray, posted Jun 21st 2011 1:30AM
This just in: Ashley is trying to make the 'Flashdance' off-the-shoulder tops from the '80s the fashion signature of her season. Oh, and she can't stop thinking about Bentley.
Other than that, there's really not much to report from this week's episode of 'The Bachelorette.' Or this whole season of 'The Bachelorette'! The guys are boring, Ashley's boring, it's all just boring us to tears.
But I am a professional. I will not let a blah episode keep me, Lincee Ray, from contributing a Top 5 list to AOL TV. So, it is with great pleasure that I give you:
1. Ashley invites one of the Grobans to join her shopping in a Thai market for silk kimonos, gnawing unidentified meat on a skewer and painting fish and smiley faces on paper umbrellas. Then she forces the viewing audience to participate in the most awkward display of sexual tension in the history of television. The dizziness of a concussion would have been more exhilarating than any moment of this date. Groban was weak and did not raise me up in any way.
2. Our Bachelorette also believes in the age old tradition of mortal combat and forces our Bachelors into a ring where they will fight each other for the love and affection of a girl who isn't really into any of them, but looks great in a sports bra. Poor Ames is left to wear hot pink boxing gloves and proceeds to get the crap beaten out of him by the annoying Ryan. He takes it all in stride while remaining a perfect gentleman. If I had a concussion, at least I would have been able to ride with Ames to the hospital and probably had a meaningful conversation about Harvard business ethics and a quick tutorial on some Thai phrases that may come in handy during my stay.
3. Flash Mob Ben C. and William were chosen to duke it out in the Thunderdome on the dreaded two-on-one date. A concussion would have come in handy as I watched this date because I could have settled into a temporary loss of consciousness as Ashley gives her old dancing partner the boot after believing William's story on how Ben C. was only there to get future dates on Match.com. Or something like that. I was confused because we were privy to about two minutes of the accusation and Ashley flies off the handle and sends Flash Mob home on a raft straight out of a Huck Finn novel.
4. According to WebMD, concussions make you nauseous and often result in throwing up. I confess right now that after the 36th time that Ashley mentioned liking, missing or not being over Bentley, I felt like puking and often found peace in the dull headache I received as a result from all of the whining.
5. This episode in general was a great big snooze fest. I think counting the stars swimming above my head after a concussion would have been more fun than sitting through unoriginal dates, pointless cage fighting, river rafting and rose burning. Let's face it ... Ashley herself looked bored, distracted or flat-out drunk most of the time. Even she was probably wishing for someone to knock her out of her misery.
Lincee Ray works in the oil and gas business in Houston, Texas. She has been recapping The Bachelor for seven years. In her spare time she enjoys frolicking on the beach in her bikini and drinking Dr Pepper. To read her entire season seven recap, go to www.iHateGreenBeans.com.
Other than that, there's really not much to report from this week's episode of 'The Bachelorette.' Or this whole season of 'The Bachelorette'! The guys are boring, Ashley's boring, it's all just boring us to tears.
But I am a professional. I will not let a blah episode keep me, Lincee Ray, from contributing a Top 5 list to AOL TV. So, it is with great pleasure that I give you:
The Top 5 Reasons A Concussion Would Have Helped
While Watching Last Night's Episode!
While Watching Last Night's Episode!
1. Ashley invites one of the Grobans to join her shopping in a Thai market for silk kimonos, gnawing unidentified meat on a skewer and painting fish and smiley faces on paper umbrellas. Then she forces the viewing audience to participate in the most awkward display of sexual tension in the history of television. The dizziness of a concussion would have been more exhilarating than any moment of this date. Groban was weak and did not raise me up in any way.
2. Our Bachelorette also believes in the age old tradition of mortal combat and forces our Bachelors into a ring where they will fight each other for the love and affection of a girl who isn't really into any of them, but looks great in a sports bra. Poor Ames is left to wear hot pink boxing gloves and proceeds to get the crap beaten out of him by the annoying Ryan. He takes it all in stride while remaining a perfect gentleman. If I had a concussion, at least I would have been able to ride with Ames to the hospital and probably had a meaningful conversation about Harvard business ethics and a quick tutorial on some Thai phrases that may come in handy during my stay.
Watch the best moments from this season
of 'The Bachelorette' here:
of 'The Bachelorette' here:
3. Flash Mob Ben C. and William were chosen to duke it out in the Thunderdome on the dreaded two-on-one date. A concussion would have come in handy as I watched this date because I could have settled into a temporary loss of consciousness as Ashley gives her old dancing partner the boot after believing William's story on how Ben C. was only there to get future dates on Match.com. Or something like that. I was confused because we were privy to about two minutes of the accusation and Ashley flies off the handle and sends Flash Mob home on a raft straight out of a Huck Finn novel.
4. According to WebMD, concussions make you nauseous and often result in throwing up. I confess right now that after the 36th time that Ashley mentioned liking, missing or not being over Bentley, I felt like puking and often found peace in the dull headache I received as a result from all of the whining.
5. This episode in general was a great big snooze fest. I think counting the stars swimming above my head after a concussion would have been more fun than sitting through unoriginal dates, pointless cage fighting, river rafting and rose burning. Let's face it ... Ashley herself looked bored, distracted or flat-out drunk most of the time. Even she was probably wishing for someone to knock her out of her misery.
Lincee Ray works in the oil and gas business in Houston, Texas. She has been recapping The Bachelor for seven years. In her spare time she enjoys frolicking on the beach in her bikini and drinking Dr Pepper. To read her entire season seven recap, go to www.iHateGreenBeans.com.
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