['The Bachelorette' - Week 7]

Welcome back, eternal optimists and cynics alike -- time for another unpredictable night with 'The Bachelorette.'

As the show progresses, it seems like Ashley and the fellas are starting to unravel at a faster rate; there were tears aplenty this week, and not just from our lovelorn lady.

It's becoming apparent that some relationships are burning more slowly than others, and in this week's episode, Ashley seemed to be getting jittery that perhaps her Bentley break-up prophecy would come true, and she might end up pulling a Brad and wind up alone after the final rose.

Ashley's gameplay has been a little skewed, though, since she seems to have made a habit of placing too much value on the guys she hasn't even had a one-on-one date with yet.

First she decided that He Who Must Not Be Named was The One after spending a cumulative period of about thirty minutes with him over the course of three weeks (and look how well that star-crossed romance worked out), and this week, she wondered why the spark was missing with Ryan when her supposed "ideal man" fizzled instead of sizzled after she'd spent seven episodes denying him a solo date in favor of snoozers like Constantine.

I'm loath to compare Ryan to Bentley because, despite what the other guys thought of him (and bear in mind, all of them seemed to genuinely like Bentley) he seemed like a truly nice guy, if a little too perky, and it seemed like he cared about Ashley way more than she probably deserved, given the period of neglect. Obviously both guys just performed well in group situations (kinky) but turned out to be duds when it came to prolonged one-on-one time -- if Ashley had spent any appreciable time with them beforehand, maybe she would've figured that out sooner.

Ryan probably didn't do himself any favors by choosing to educate Ashley on the environmental menace that is the water heater, though. Couldn't he have chosen a sexier, more relevant example of conservation, like how solar power reminds him of her smile? Or why deforestation is far more hazardous than a bikini wax? Fine, I'm clutching at straws, but the fact remains, guilt tripping someone for killing the planet by taking part in a reality dating show isn't much of a turn on. (I dread to think what his opinion is on all the emissions their round the world flights have produced -- think of your carbon footprint, ABC!)


But, as is the case with all the contestants who fall too hard too soon, Ryan had a teeny meltdown when Ashley decided to send him home, including an inadvertently hilarious break when he went off to cry and swear behind a bush. I'm guessing he was kind of hoping that the producers might edit that part out ...



Still, he's cute enough that I kind of think he's a shoo-in for the next 'Bachelor,' don't you?

He wasn't the only one freaking out this week, as JP apparently turned into a jealous, pouting five-year-old overnight. Granted, jealousy is a pretty reasonable response to a dozen guys all pursuing the same girl, but it wasn't the kind of romantic, heart-sick jealousy of a tragic hero, the kind that should've made all the girls at home swoon and decry Ashley's callous disregard for his love. It was more of a foot-stamping, temper tantrum-style jealousy that just made him look like a whiny crybaby.

Luckily, as Ashley inadvertently discovered, the way to cheer up a whiny crybaby is to put him in a tuxedo -- except, after gloating at the other guys' costumes, JP still couldn't summon up the energy to have fun with the (admittedly ridiculous) wedding photo group date, and the whole thing was kind of a downer. Between this and William's earlier Vegas wedding date, the producers are kind of hammering the "bachelorette party" aspect of this 'Bachelorette'.

His whining had the desired effect, though, and it got JP the only date rose of the week, while Lucas, who was late to the bitching game, got sent home for being a grumpus instead.

There were two other dates with the equally bland Ben and Constantine, who look like they could be related, with their artfully floppy hair and puppy eyes and interchangeable identities, but I found them both too boring to focus on.

One of them (the hotter one) had a cute 'Tangled'-esque moment with Ashley as they designed a love lantern and set it free once the sun went down, and since I'm a sucker for 'Tangled,' I did appreciate the effort. That date also showed that Constantine is both refreshingly grounded and also not interested in just jumping all over Ashley for the sake of the game -- as she told him, "you're not trying to convince me to like you," (take note, Ryan and Bentley). Okay, so maybe I focused a little bit.

So the four guys who will be introducing Ashley to their folks are Ben, Constantine, JP and Ames -- who'd have thunk it?

There was also a vaguely skeevy interview with a tearful, shaking Emily, who felt compelled to explain (again) that she and Brad have broken up but that "he'll always be in [her] life," but recapping that would make me feel kind of dirty, since I feel like she was pressured into making a statement by the sheer volume of paparazzi and tabloid gossip. I'm glad they didn't reel Brad back in too, so at least we avoided another Jake and Vienna trainwreck.

'The Bachelorette' airs Mondays, 8PM ET on ABC.

Which of Ashley's suitors do you think will win the final rose? What was your impression of Brad and Emily's break-up? Do you think Ryan would be a good choice for the next 'Bachelor'? Weigh in below!