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September 17, 2014

'The Bachelorette' Season 7, Episode 8 Recap

by Laura Prudom, posted Jul 19th 2011 7:00AM
JP and Ashley['The Bachelorette' - 'Season 7, Episode 8']

Thanks to the sad lack of mounted animal carcasses or a secret weapons cache in anyone's basement, this year's 'Bachelorette' hometown dates were, I'm sorry to report, a complete snoozefest.

Not that I don't find JP's roller disco antics somewhat quaint, in a "we can smell the cheese from here," kind of way -- but when the evening's most eventful moments were a tie between JP falling over and every single relative Constantine has bursting through the door to accost Ashley, there may be a spark missing (sorry, Ames).

Excuse me while I go and check what my water heater is doing ...

Okay, I'm back -- it was watching 'Hell's Kitchen' to see what Gordon Ramsay's dishwasher was doing (they used to date).

The sad part is, the tragic, starcrossed romance between my water heater and Gordon Ramsay's dishwasher would probably prove far more entertaining than anything that happened on 'The Bachelorette' tonight, but let's soldier on anyway.

First up was Constantine, who displayed more personality in his 20 minutes of date time than he has in the entirety of the season up to this point. He and Ashley made pizza and salad at his restaurant, the producers goaded his waitresses into spying on the pair through a window and giggling and sighing over the romance of it all like those three sisters who constantly swooned over Gaston in 'Beauty and the Beast,' and then he took her home to meet his entirely adorable family.

I have no snark for Constantine's crowded family shindig -- they all seemed like genuine, warm and disappointingly normal people who welcomed Ashley with open arms -- but since Constantine has been guarded throughout the season, I still don't see the pair of them adequately making up for lost time in the final stretch, despite how much she likes his "total package."


Still, she later admitted to Chris Harrison that Constantine's was "the best hometown date," and though I still get him and Ben mixed up, I thought he came across as more comfortable and genuine than a couple of the other guys this week.

Next came Ames (and it was nice of the producers not to put Constantine and Ben next to each other, so as to alleviate my confusion), who is apparently super duper wealthy and owns half of Philadelphia and has a magical horse and carriage on retainer, or something. There were some lovely moments over the course of the date -- I swooned a teeny bit when he took Ashley out to a picnic beneath the blossoming magnolia trees, but then he went and ruined it by declaring that the awkward, closed-mouth peck of a kiss they shared was the most "romantic" of his life. Yikes.

Ashley spent a lot of time telling Ames and his sister and mom that he's "unlike anyone I've ever met" and "unique" and all those other non-romantic qualifiers she's been using all season like she's still not sure what to make of him. Ames' sister wisely advised him to turn the romance dial up to 11, since it was obvious to all involved that their passion was non-existent, but it was all a case of too little, too late.

Then came winemaker Ben, who still makes Ashley all giggly and girlish, because he's such a man, with his long, flowing hair and appreciation for vino, the most grunting and testosterone-laden drink of them all!

Still, the chemistry between Ashley and Ben is far less imaginary than her connection with Ames, and though his mother and sister were perhaps the most restrained of the families Ashley visited, they seemed to approve of her. Ben's mom even dug out some embarrassing childhood photos for Ashley to coo over, before everything got heavy with Ben opening up about his father's death and how he dealt with the grief. It always feels so uncomfortable when the guys open up in their confessional interviews, as if they've been goaded into emoting, but Ben was truly sweet, crediting his father with making him the man he is today.

Unfortunately, no amount of heartfelt emotion will eclipse Ashley's relationship with JP, mostly because she wants to spend every waking moment making out with the guy. The aforementioned roller rink was cute, and JP's family was like a mix between Ben's and Constantine's: Rowdy, but also guarded.

Some seriously heavy stuff apparently went down with one of JP's past relationships, because his momma bear was very protective, determined not to see her son's heart broken again. I'm assuming, based on JP's cryptic explanations, his ex cheated on him, but either way, he's a delicate flower whose heart must be guarded and protected.

Regardless, I'm now convinced that Ashley will pick JP, and not even because of all the making out -- purely because they played the classic REO Speedwagon ballad 'Can't Fight This Feeling' over their roller make-out, and I'm certain that it will be their finale engagement song, and it will be ruined for me forever, just as 'On The Wings of Love' was ruined during Jake's season. Plus, we now know that JP could once rock a mullet, and Ashley approved of said mullet. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is.

After an unnecessary chat with Chris Harrison (who dared to mention the B word -- everyone take a shot) to fill time, Ashley wasted no time unceremoniously kicking Ames to the curb with a particularly awkward goodbye -- but he has such a positive outlook, I'm sure he'll get over it!



Next week, it's off to Fiji for overnight dates. Bow-chica-wow-wow.

'The Bachelorette' airs Mondays, 8PM ET on ABC.

Who do you think will be the last suitor standing, one of the interchangeable Josh Groban twins, or the guy Ashley loves to make out with?

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Veronicawall Smith

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July 21 2011 at 11:54 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
userpajuma

Hey Laura,
Really enjoyed your article...I'm still chuckling. These Bachelor/Bachelorrette shows are like train wrecks...I just can't look away... I'm hooked no matter how bad.... Anyway... JP has had my vote all along. But really, it's all smoke and mirrors and the chances of this actually working out are nil. Yet I'm rooting for them anyway.

July 19 2011 at 4:13 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
rbob2468

Ashley is so immature and confused. You could see it last season just the way she cried,and again this season . A new hairdo doesn't change your ways ONLY changes your look.Chantel should have been the bachelorette this season! BRAD had Ashley right on spot ,too bad the show didn't .Kinda waste of time ,she's way out there. Ames your the lucky one be happy........

July 19 2011 at 3:09 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
hmbfog

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July 19 2011 at 1:55 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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