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April 23, 2014

'Bachelor Pad' - Top 5 Awkward Moments in Episode 3

by Laura Prudom, posted Aug 23rd 2011 10:32AM
Bachelor PadWeek three in the 'Bachelor Pad' house brought more tacky contests, more psychotic breaks and more completely baffling hook ups -- and we expected nothing less.

If you've ever wondered which bachelor has the biggest, uh ... "rose" to hand out, this week's episode definitively answered that question for you (SPOILER ALERT: apparently it's Jake). And if you've ever found yourself pondering who the most unstable person in the show's history is, this episode ... didn't definitively answer that question for you, but it gave you a hell of a lot of options to choose from (and shockingly, Michelle Money wasn't one of them).

From public displays of rejection to ill-advised singing, join us after the jump for our top five most awkward moments in episode three.

1. Synchronized Swimming Challenge
I'm not sure what was more cringeworthy, the girls' attempts at presenting some sort of coherent routine, or the guys in their tiny, brightly colored Speedos (or should we call them banana hammocks?). On second thought, I'm going to go with the strategically placed underwater cameras -- ostensibly to let us admire all the flailing and splashing as the contestants tried to remember their moves, but mostly to let us examine the guys' endowments in their teeny swim shorts.

I've got to give the boys props though, they put the ladies to shame with their choreography, and that was after Vienna's non-stop bragging about her extensive cheerleading and swim-team experience. Still, she performed better than Erica, who mostly just stood at the end of the pool looking like she'd suffered a head injury.

2. Vienna and Kasey's Very Public Fighting
Team Guard and Protect was having a rough week, mostly because Kasey has turned into a gigantic toolbox and seemingly enjoys belittling and emotionally blackmailing Vienna in front of millions of people every week (just the way Jake did during their breakup interview, come to think of it). I'm far from Vienna's number one fan, considering how obnoxious and immature she is, but I'm still legitimately concerned by how emotionally abusive Kasey is -- and if it's all a play for the cameras, it makes his motives even more questionable. At this point, the girl needs therapy, not another controlling man.

But more disturbing than their fighting (and how supremely embarrassing it is that they seem to only do it in front of a captive audience of their housemates) is when they're actually getting along, because when they're getting along, Kasey sings.

Those who watched Ali's 'Bachelorette' season will remember how incredibly soul-destroying Kasey's spur of the moment songs were, but I'd forgotten his penchant for publicly humiliating himself (the trauma was obviously so severe I'd apparently blocked it from my memory) so it was a real treat to see the singing make a comeback and for Vienna to somehow prevent herself from laughing in his face. I guess the sparkly promise ring (three cheers for no engagement!) made her more amenable to his nonsense. I hate to say it, but I was actually kind of rooting for Jake to sneakily backdoor him and kick him out of the house this week.

3. Melissa's Complete Lapse in Sanity
The seeds were planted last week after Blake started canoodling with Holly, but Melissa had plenty of crazy stockpiled for this week too, continuing her vendetta against Blake (who, admittedly, was still being a condescending douche) and trying to take Erica and Kasey down too -- though they kind of deserved it.

Melissa's expressions during her first conversation with Blake this week were comedy gold; the girl looked like an animated character, and I thought her eyebrows were about to climb right off her head. Blake deserves all the nuttiness he can get just for leading her on to score himself a rose, but Melissa needs to tone it down before she gives herself a heart attack -- the man drama is totally ruining her game.

4. Erica
Where to begin? As if her constant tiara-wearing wasn't offensive enough, this week we were subjected to a plastic gavel (did she really bring it with her just so that she could make awful legal puns, or did she somehow acquire it from somewhere?), a truly heinous synchronized swimming performance, a vomit-inducing kiss with Jake, a somewhat disturbing one-sided conversation with photo of Kasey, and oh yeah, did I mention the plastic gavel? Her delusions of becoming a new power couple with Jake made me want to pat her on the head and give her a cookie, but there's really no hope for this girl -- she's terminally clueless.

5. The Most Drawn Out Final Rose EVER
I'm not sure that the producers intended for the build-up to Jake's elimination to be quite that farcical (or maybe they did), but if you weren't rolling your eyes midway through their attempts to prolong the inevitable, you're a stronger person than I am. Maybe I've seen too many dramatic 'Family Guy' edits, but cutting from Jake to Kasey to Vienna to Chris Harrison to Jake to Kasey to Michelle (really clutching at straws) in order to draw out the reveal just made me laugh, and the oh-so-dramatic music didn't help matters. And then to compound it all, they abruptly cut to black with no preview of next week -- did any of us really care that much?

And one Aww:

1. Mike and Holly -- Again!
I'll admit it, I'm getting way too invested in Mike and Holly's will-they-won't-they romance; why can't those crazy kids just work it out? The inclusion of Bret Michaels (and his very apt rendition of 'Every Rose Has Its Thorn') was kind of random, but the way the couple cuddled up close and got all tearful during the performance warmed the cockles of my heart. It's obvious that Mike's still head over heels for Holly, but Holly seems to be holding back (and getting all twitterpated over Blake, which is seriously bad news given his douchetastic behavior with Melissa) so it remains to be seen whether they'll finally overcome their issues and get back together. I'm rooting for them, though -- how about you?

'Bachelor Pad' airs Mondays at 8PM ET on ABC.

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