'The Vampire Diaries' Season 3 Premiere Recap
by Jean Bentley, posted Sep 16th 2011 12:00AM
['The Vampire Diaries' - 'The Birthday']
I'm not saying that 'The Vampire Diaries' is predictable -- it's anything but, in fact -- but the opening scene of Thursday's Season 3 premiere felt almost 'Law & Order'-like in its familiarity.
We knew things were not going to turn out well for the poor girl who just happened to be outside in the dark in the middle of nowhere when approached by the (insanely attractive) man we all know to be Klaus, the psychopath half-vampire/half-werewolf hybrid who destroys all in his path to world domination. (Okay, so we haven't really seen that on NBC.)
But this particular PYT wasn't exactly the random victim you'd find in a procedural -- she was a seemingly minor casualty in Klaus 'n Stefan's Tour De Murder, but in fact she helped set our Season 3 plot in motion. The girl led K 'n S (sounds like a '90s R&B group) to Ray Sutton (David Gallagher), the werewolf the boys had been searching all summer for, and as we would learn by the end of the episode, the first unlucky member of the hybrid army Klaus is planning to build with lieutenant Stefan by his side.
Things didn't turn out to well for poor, poor Simon Camden -- I mean Ray -- since K 'n S literally turned him into a human dartboard before killing him. (Other sayings I would also like to see come to life in V3: "human vacuum," "human dictionary,"
Back in Mystic Falls, Damon and Elena, who are totally pretending that whole "kiss" thing didn't happen, spent all summer searching for Stefan. Well, Elena tried her hardest via tips from Sheriff Forbes (and thought the killings she was tracking were Klaus' when in actuality they were Stefan's), and Damon and Alaric bro'd out together on some real solid leads that they kept from Elena.
When one of their leads was more successful than the others, Klaus sent Stefan back to Mystic Falls to make them stop searching for him. "I don't need any saving, I just want you to let me go," he pleaded. Then he made Andie Starr kill herself. Honestly, we all knew she had to go sometime. I'm a little bummed since she was the one of the only ladies to sass Damon right back, but come on -- what would a 'Vampire Diaries' episode be without a body count? Plus, that scene was heartbreaking for two reasons: one, Stefan clearly misses his life back in Mystic Falls, and two, he's repressed that part of him enough to kill Andie.
Meanwhile, at Elena's 18th birthday party, Caroline and Tyler discussed their mutual horniness (what is this, 'The Secret Life of the American Teenager'?) and then got down to business, if you get my meaning. If you don't get my meaning, please enjoy the video that accompanies this recap.
The Forwood hookup was glorious and super sexy, except for that whole thing with Caroline Walk of Shame-ing out of the Lockwood mansion and GETTING SHOT WITH VERVAIN BULLETS by Mama Lockwood. OOPS. Considering I spoke to Candice Accola on the 'Vampire Diaries' set in Atlanta this week, we know she's gonna make it through, but this parental complication probably won't be good for our young Romeo and Juliet.
For me, this premiere episode wasn't about one of 'TVD''s trademark "DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?!" moments, it was about seeing the storylines we've been hearing vague things about all summer finally come to fruition. We've now seen it with our own eyes: Stefan is terrifying when on a bender, but deep down still loves his brother and Elena. Elena still loves him (how heartbreaking was her "I still love you, hold onto that" phone call?). Damon loves Elena, but knows he can't have her. Jeremy and Matt are now bros, and they'll bond over the creepy ghost thing (which better be explored sooner rather than later, because it is amazing). And Tyler and Caroline are going to have a lot of sexy werewolf-on-vampire sex. Sexy, sexy sex.
--I'm still not okay with the open bathroom plan in Damon's bedroom, but I would definitely be okay with a SOAPY NAKED DAMON roaming around my house. Please pause for a moment so I can pat myself on the back for not mentioning SOAPY NAKED DAMON until the very end of the recap. But man oh man, it was worth mentioning.
--This amazing piece of teen girl logic, from Caroline to Tyler: "Just because I tell you things doesn't mean you're allowed to know them!"
--Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder have insane chemistry onscreen. (Duh.)
--Damon to Alaric: "Hold the fort down, will ya?"
Alaric to Damon: "You mean the fort filled with my drunk history students?"
--Stefan got his "Ripper" nickname because he "feeds so hard he blacks out, rips them apart, but then when he's done, he feels remorse -- it's the damndest thing: puts the bodies back together."
--What else did we learn tonight? Matt is a one hit wonder. Jeremy drives a Mini Cooper.
What did you think of the V3 premiere? What was your favorite part? Which was sexier: Damon shirtless or Caroline and Tyler doing it?
'The Vampire Diaries' airs Thursdays, 8PM ET on The CW.
Follow Jean on Twitter @hijean