Let's face it: You don't really want a recap this week. You just want to know how many times the 'Dancing With the Stars' cameras panned to Cher. So, I'm going to try and do both.

Cher looked like a proud mama watching her son dance to the theme from 'Rocky.' it was Chaz's best performance ... EVER (but I'm not changing my mind about this). It even brought Carrie Ann -- and Cher! -- to tears. However, did the crowd really give Cher a standing ovation when Chaz mentioned her? Chaz, you may have had your best dance of the competition, but you still got served by your mother. Granted, your mother is Cher.

Speaking of Cher, one of my favorite parts of the night was watching Cher's reactions to the judges critiquing Chaz. She was cheering, clapping, jumping and even praying -- yes, praying. It was pretty adorable.



You may have tuned in for Cher, but what you got was a whole lot of Ricki. Power couple Ricki and Derek scored the first 10 of the season -- and she did it twice! The judges were so captivated by their thrilling tango to the musical score of 'Psycho' that both Carrie Ann and Bruno gave the couple a perfect 10, while Len gave them a solid 9.

To be honest, I feel like Derek is just so fantastic, he makes Ricki look better than she actually is, but then again, I'm a J.R. fan. Does anyone else think that Carrie Ann hates Karina for no reason? No matter how well J.R. and Karina dance, Carrie Ann just doesn't like it.

But the real highlight of the night (for me) was Richard Simmons' cameo in Chaz's 'Rocky' montage. I mean, totally unexpected, right?

I learned something this week: I couldn't really care less when the professionals dance together. It's just a waste of time. I would rather have five more minutes of Carson's hilarious commentary. I mean really, who cares? If Cher could show any emotion at all, it would have been boredom. That is, until we were six minutes in and there were already four shirtless men onstage wielding lightsabers.

We started off the night with another golden couple, Chynna and Tony. When I saw Tony descending from the ceiling, I knew this was going to be hot -- but I didn't expect it to be a hot mess.

What can I say? Chynna flopped for the first time tonight -- and she really flopped. She lost her footwork early on in the dance, and unfortunately, she just couldn't catch up. But at least she looked great, right? And if Chynna wouldn't have failed, then we would have never heard Carrie Ann utter the most sensible thing she's ever said: "It's a little disco ball trophy. It's not the end of the world!"

Somehow, I think that was actually the producer's apology to Kristin Cavallari after her shocking elimination.

Meanwhile, David Arquette ... CHER! IT'S CHER (or her Madam Tussauds wax figure?!), OMG LOOK EVERYONE! Oh, wait, no ... but guys, she was only on the screen for 1.5 seconds ... well, okay.

First Cher sighting: 8:25PM ET.

Now back to David. I thought it was pretty cool when Tony fell from the ceiling, but then David pulled an 'Indiana Jones' and swung onto the stage with more confidence than he's shown in the entire competition thus far. But of course Len had to say something negative, calling his paso doble 'The Temple of Doom.' Courteney was not amused, Len.

And then it was ... CHER!

Second Cher sighting (a nice profile shot!): 8:40PM ET. At this point, I'm truly starting to believe Cher sent her wax figure in her place. Her hair, her makeup, she just looks, um, other-worldly.

Carson, Carson, Carson, I love you. Please don't go home. Seriously, Chaz, take note. You don't have to be the best dancer, but having an eccentric, fun personality will take you far. Even Mr. Tough Guy Len had to admit, "If I was at home, I would be voting for you." And with that, the producers are really making it obvious that 'DWTS' isn't really a dance competition.

Meanwhile, Nancy took all of her prosecutor aggressiveness to the dance floor, and while I think it might have been her best performance yet, it was a little boring. But to be honest, my eyes were too focused on Tristan to care -- weren't yours?

Then came ... CHER! At least I think that's her.

Third Cher sighting (it's like Where's Waldo? right now): 9:01PM ET.

And the award for the cutest outfits goes to Hope and Max (sorry Carson!). Hope, I have to admit, I wasn't your biggest fan in the beginning, but after tonight, you're definitely one to look out for. But after dancing to 'You've Got a Friend' from 'Toy Story,' can anyone really hate you? Nicely done Max.

Following the 'Toy Story' duo was ... CHER.

Fourth Cher sighting (really, 'DWTS'? Does she not want any close-ups?): 9:12PM ET.

Meanwhile, little Rob Kardashian doesn't want to be seen as the "loser brother who's never had a job before," so what does he do? Pretend to be Superman, of course! Or was it Super Kardashian? Honestly, I can't diss this Kardashian. He looked great on the dance floor and for the first time, I saw a leading man, one that has the chance to take the Mirror Ball (slim, but there's still a chance). Take that Kim!

And at 9:45PM ET, Cher looks like a proud mama after seeing Chaz dance live for the first time. Then at 9:46PM ET, she has tears in her eyes. (!!!)

Total number of camera pans: 7.

Dancing With the Stars' airs Mondays at 8PM ET and Tuesdays at 9PM ET on ABC.