Simon Says: Nastiest Cowell Quotes

Simon Says: Nastiest Cowell Quotes

What would 'American Idol' be like without Simon Cowell? Bloody boring, if you ask us. The caustic critic regularly steals the spotlight from Randy, Paula and the struggling songbirds on the main stage with his brutal assessments. According to Forbes magazine, Cowell pulls down a hefty $43 mil a year. You'd think that would be enough money to soften him up, but lucky for us, no such luck. Read on for some of the most memorable jabs and musings from the King of Mean.

Ray Mickshaw, WireImage.com

"Didn't care much about Katharine McPhee. I don't think she was a credible recording artist. Katharine will end up on Broadway."

-- skewering season 5's runner-up to Extra

Marc Serota, Getty Images

"Let me have a choice, I'm going to work in a coal mine for 14 hours a day or I'm going to be a runner-up on 'American Idol' -- give me a break, idiot. There's no pressure ... They're not working for a living, they're becoming famous .... No one is dragging these people on to the show ... This is a competition that if you do well, you're going to become famous -- end of story, if you don't like it, do something else."

-- commenting on Clay Aiken's disclosure that he had started taking antidepressants to deal with the pressures of fame

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"I thought she was a stage-school brat when I first met her. But she's quite a nice girl. And she's our little Seabiscuit."

-- predicting Diana DeGarmo would win (she came in second to Fantasia Barrino)

Frank Micelotta, Getty Images

'If you win this competition, we will have failed.''

-- to Jim Verraros, before he advanced to the semifinal round

Kevin Winter, Getty Images

"She was very cold. She could have been a robot for all the emotion or personality she put over. And she said something very stupid. She had a little bit of criticism, and she said: 'I'm not the slightest bit worried. We're all winners now. We're all going to have successful careers.' When she said it, I said, 'She's out.' Because America decides whether they're going to have successful careers. To say that was verging on arrogance."

-- on why LaToya London was eliminated

Ray Mickshaw, WireImage.com

"That was a terrible impersonation of Elvis Presley. The dancing was hideous. It was just karaoke with a capital K."

-- to Taylor Hicks following a lukewarm performance of "Jailhouse Rock"

Fox

"It's rather like having a silly little dog who wants to jump up on your lap and you just swat the dog off. Occasionally in a very stern voice you have to say 'no.' And that's how I deal with Ryan."

-- on coping with super-peppy co-worker Ryan Seacrest

Ray Mickshaw, WireImage.com

"My act is going to run out fairly quickly. There's no question of that."

-- on his 15 minutes of fame

Kevin Winter, Getty Images

"You sounded like Cher after she's been to the dentist.''

-- finding a colorful way to describe Marianna Riccio's version of "Should I Stay or Should I Go"

Frank Micelotta, Getty Images