9 Reasons We'll Miss Simon Cowell

by Scott Harris, posted May 19th 2010 9:00AM
The ninth season of 'American Idol' is finally drawing to a close, and for most viewers, questions abound. But while many people are wondering who will win this year, we're still fixated on a much more important question: What are we going to do without Simon Cowell?

Cowell, of course, is leaving after next week's finale, leaving a massive hole in 'American Idol' -- and in our hearts. Oh, sure, there's no question that 'Idol' will find someone to fill his chair on the judging panel, but we doubt that anyone can fill his shoes. He's a one-of-a-kind American original ... despite the fact that he's not American at all.

So in honor of Simon's departure, and with a tear-stained hankie firmly in hand, we thought we'd take a look back at all the wonderful memories he's given us over the past nine seasons by presenting to you our Top 9 Reasons We'll Miss Simon Cowell.The ninth season of 'American Idol' is finally drawing to a close, and for most viewers, questions abound. But while many people are wondering who will win this year, we're still fixated on a much more important question: What are we going to do without Simon Cowell?

Cowell, of course, is leaving after next week's finale, leaving a massive hole in 'American Idol' -- and in our hearts. Oh, sure, there's no question that 'Idol' will find someone to fill his chair on the judging panel, but we doubt that anyone can fill his shoes. He's a one-of-a-kind American original ... despite the fact that he's not American at all.

So in honor of Simon's departure, and with a tear-stained hankie firmly in hand, we thought we'd take a look back at all the wonderful memories he's given us over the past nine seasons by presenting to you our Top 9 Reasons We'll Miss Simon Cowell. Beginning with:

1. He has no time for fools - As much as we love the actual competition itself, we have to admit that the tomfoolery of the auditions can get pretty tedious, especially when the producers insist on showing one trainwreck and side show after another. About the only thing that gets us through those early weeks is Simon Cowell instantly shutting them all down. Like us, Simon wants to keep the focus on the music.

2. His stable of guest singers - Oh sure, considering 'American Idol's' ratings and influence, they could probably land some pretty big guest stars. But leave it to Simon to cut through the parade of has-beens shilling for their latest greatest-hits album by bringing us singers from his own stable of stars in the making, such as Leona Lewis. Simon's golden ear helps make sure the guest stars stay relevant.

3. His interaction with the other judges - It's not just the contestants who have off nights; Simon's fellow judges are an almost never ending source of nonsense, double-speak and self-contradictory gibberish. And just like he shuts down bad contestants, he frequently applies the verbal hammer to his own co-workers, making sure that Randy Jackson and Kara Dioguardi don't go too far down the crazy path before he reminds them who's boss.

4. His unique style - No matter how outlandish, dapper or avant garde the contestants -- or the other judges -- get with their wardrobes, we can always count on Simon to keep it simple and keep it real. His patented V-neck t-shirt and fluff of manly chest hair is just as stylish now as it was in 1975 or will be in 2045. Ryan Seacrest may call it lazy, but we have another word for Simon's style: timeless.

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6. His amazing put-downs - Although we admit that he has on occasion been unnecessarily cruel, we still get a laugh out of Simon's way with words. Lines like "If you would be singing like this two thousand years ago, people would have stoned you," and "You look like the Incredible Hulk's wife" may not have been in good taste, but they also voiced what we were all secretly thinking.

7. His banter with Ryan - Once upon a time, the edgy-yet-playful banter between Ryan and Simon was one of the highlights of the show. Unfortunately, this season it's gone from weirdly entertaining to borderline uncomfortable. We're not sure if this new tension is being caused by Simon's imminent departure, but we don't like it much. We want the classic Ryan-Simon buddy show back.

8. His Britishness - Is there anything better than that moment on each show when Simon casually drops a bit of British slang and everyone in the audience -- including Ryan, the judges and the contestants -- stares at him like he's grown an extra head? About the only thing that can compare is when the reverse happens and he has to get a detailed explanation of a basic American phrase just to understand what Randy is talking about. Granted, nobody is ever quite sure just what Randy is talking about, but as Simon might say: Bob's your uncle. Whatever that means.

9. He tells the truth - Everything he does for the show boils down to this: He tells the truth. He doesn't blow smoke or hedge or pander to the audience. The only agenda Simon seems to have is to provide honest criticism and detailed feedback in the hopes of finding the top talent in the competition. On a show that has often been accused by its detractors of being fake, of being all about pre-packaged pop phoniness, Simon is the one voice that keeps everything grounded and provides 'American Idol' with a desperately needed level of authenticity. The show needs Simon to tell the truth. And so do we.

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Rhonda

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Simon I miss you this season, however I love Stephen Tyler he is the bomb. He dresses so cool..Unlike your t-shirts

May 05 2011 at 11:12 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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